Words Evade Me

Usually writing is an outlet for me, but lately I just can’t put pen to paper – or finger to keyboard as the case may be. I think I need to isolate a few feelings before I can focus to write about it. In the mean time a good outlet is through music.

Read on…

Flaws And All - Beyonce
I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I'm a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day.

[Chorus]
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you

I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that
I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
And that's exactly what I need.

[Chorus]


I know I'll see you again whether far or soon. But I need you to know that I care and I miss you.

Samantha James - Rise

I sat here doing nothing much when I noticed my friend was listening to this song and I remembered the lyrics. At this moment I was tempted to reach out and mend a broken fence, but I stopped myself. Why waste time if my efforts go in vain?

You should believe me
And everything I choose to do
You should believe that
I’ll Always come back to you

Life is discovering
The love that we create
Life is a mystery
We need to embrace

In every way
You need to let go
You’ll see all your dreams will follow
In every way
You need to let go

(Chorus)
People rise together
When they believe in tomorrow
Change the day to forever
This life keeps movin’ (Repeat 2x)

Open your mind and see
We have everything we need
Dream or reality
Fulfill its destiny

In every way
You need to let go
You’ll see all your dreams will follow
In every way
You need to let go

What time of day are you?

I am 3:15 p.m.
You are the moment when the last bell rings and school lets out for the day. You are resistant to schedules and obligations, so you love feeling like you're in control of your life again. You are the very moment when the second hand hits the 12, and the halls fill with noise and motion. Even if your after-school time is packed with activities, lessons, or a job, somehow, you just feel freer in the late afternoon than you do earlier in the day. Maybe it's all that blue sky and afternoon sunshine? Nah -- even on rainy days, 3:15 is always a beautiful time.

20% of the people who took this quiz got the same evaluation.

Bill Withers - Lean On Me

Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.

But if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow.

Lean on me, when you're not strong and I'll be your friend.

I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long 'til I'm gonna need somebodyto lean on.

Please swallow your pride, if have faith, you need to borrow.

For no one can fill those of your needs that you won't let show.

You just call on me brother when you need a hand.

We all need somebody to lean on.

I just might have a problem that you'll understand.

We all need somebody to lean on.

Lean on me when your not strong, and I'll be your friend.

I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long till I'm gonna' need somebody to lean on.

You just call on me brother if you need a hand.

We all need somebody to lean on.

I just might have a problem that you'll understand.

We all need somebody to lean on.

If there is a load you have to bear that you can't carry.

I'm right up the road, I'll share your load if you just call me.

Call me ( if you need a friend)

Call me (call me)

Be Our Brother's Keeper

The past few weeks have taught me many of life’s lessons. At this point they’re all jumbled in my head as I struggle to digest them. Bottom line there are these three ones about friends that have been reinforced – albeit they’re at the point of being cliché but they’re valid none the less.

• Be careful whom you trust.
• Only your friends can hurt you.
• In adversity – your true friends will shine.

I’ve never been someone with a lot of very close friends. This doesn’t mean I am a recluse - quite contrary I can be quite the social person but I have many more acquaintances than I do friends. I don’t trust easily, but when I trust you I give you the benefit of the doubt until you’ve done something to betray that trust and cause me to be suspicious.

I’ve been the victim of a lot of hurt in the past few years - from betrayal in romantic friendships to stab in the front kind of hurt and anguish. And it’s been a long and hard road learning to trust easily again. This has caused many issues and probably pushed away sincere people because I brought the baggage of my very bad past experiences along on each new journey.

These bad experiences have taught me a few things too. Just because someone doesn’t support you the way you expect him or her to, doesn’t mean that they didn’t want to support you – maybe they just don’t know how. Sometimes we set ourselves up for hurt based on the expectations we place on other people’s reaction. Just because people have hurt you, doesn’t mean you won’t turn the other cheek to them or to another person to be hurt all over again.

I’d dare say I’ve come a long way. I’ve forged new friendships. Learnt more of a balance in these relationships. I’m a little more discerning. However, I realize that you can never be 100% right about someone all the time because you never really know what they’re made up of on the inside. If we’re honest, sometimes some of the things we do at times surprises us much less to be able to figure out someone else’s actions. And so, to let someone in makes you vulnerable.

I don’t care how strong you think you are or how independent you might be – there comes a time in everyone’s life when they face challenges and need to reach out to someone. If it’s not family, then the other majority to choose from are your friends. After all, when the good times are abounding, you can share those with just about anyone. What counts is when the difficult times are upon, the people who stick them through with you – usually your true friends.

When we trust someone and let him or her in to our lives, we share sensitive information with them. But that’s not where the trust comes in – nope. The trust is required to know that they will do the right thing by you when they use this information. Most times we’re fooled in to thinking that that shared information will lie right between the two persons and never go further. But sometimes that too can be a problem if the person uses it back on you to cause harm.

So unless we’re going to live very lonely, secluded lives (which science has proven to shorten life span), we’re always vulnerable to someone. What is ironic is that although I know all the stuff I said above, every time someone hurts me in a different way – it feels like the first time. There should be no surprise. I should expect this. Then when does it still hurt so much? Therein lies the mystery.

As mortals there is only one thing we are guaranteed in life – death. And for anyone to hurt someone while they are dealing with the experience of death, I would dare say that that is the ultimate act of betrayal. As haughty as we think we are – death is a wake up call and around those circumstances require that we respect each other then the most.

At the end of the day, when someone trusts us to be their friend, it would be nice if we remembered to treat them the way we would want to be treated. So when we backstab and hurt them – remember karma, it’s real. What will be meted out to you won’t necessarily come from the person you did wrong, or in the same form of the wrong you did, or may not even happen directly to you.

Friendship isn’t a perfect thing because it directly involves people. Anything involving people isn’t perfect because there is always human error. Let’s just remember that it’s only humane to be our brother’s keeper.

I'm not fat... just smarter!

I hate cockroaches

I hate cockroaches.
I hate cockroaches with a passion.
They smell. They’re nasty. They look gross. And they shit everywhere.
I HATE COCKROACHES!!

Living in the tropics affords you the dismay of becoming friendly with a few more critters than you would like. Our houses are open for the most part because most of us average people cannot afford central air conditioning and we can’t lock up the house to bake to death in the blistering heat.

This allows for cockroaches to saunter in. Nasty motherf@$%&ers!!

So there is this roach that decides to take residency in my bathroom. She only comes out at night… I assume this because when I am here on a weekend I don’t see her during the day. I was hoping that she would just live out her lifespan and die soon. As much as I don’t like cockroaches… I don’t like killing them either to see what sh!t they have left inside splatter everywhere. YUCK!

So back to this bitch. Last night I came home to see her perched on my soap dish and nibbling away at my soap. Oh no… that’s it!! This bitch has got to go now! But based on previous more passive attempts, she has outsmarted me and regretfully got away. This morning… about 10 minutes ago I saunter in the bathroom to empty my bladder when lo and behold on the floor is this stupid mothalova! This means war…

I realized that I had to be strategic. This had to be as painless for me as possible and as painful for her as ever. I peed first. This could take a while to kill her so I wanted to be free from any discomforts. After all this while the bitch still sits there looking at me endearingly. So washed my hands, went to my bedroom to pick my weapon of destruction.

I figured I needed something that had no grooves under the bottom and was heavy enough itself to exert the force. I found the perfect shoe. I go back to the bathroom after all this while… oh she was begging for it. Secretly a small part of me wished she would just run away and didn’t really have to do this. But obviously it was time to live up to my fears.

Upon close inspection, I discovered that she was perched so close to the door that to get a good direct hit, I would need to move the door and then whack her. So I decided to push the door with my left hand and crush her with the shoe in my right in one swift movement.

WHAM!

I managed to get the bottom half of her and she is on her back (stupid bitch) rolling all around and sh!tting. Gross. I am successful!

So I cleaned up with some wipes. Threw her in the toilet and laughed all the way. I watched her and she floated around, got on top of the tissue and just when she thought she was safe… *flush* Die bitch! I laughed all the way down as I watched her descend in to roach heaven. (I decided it must be roach heaven because those nasty creatures eat turd!!!)

Victory was mine. I just hope there wasn’t a whole family in there yet cause I don’t know how much more of this I can do. There needs to be an easier way of population control. Yuck man! I have gone through GREAT pains to ensure there are no roaches lingering around my immediate area only to… cho… you heard that story already. Cho!!

Enough is enough. I understand survival of the fittest now a little better. AND how anger can make you do things you never dreamt of doing.

After all that adrenalin… I can’t sleep.
I HATE those nasty bitches!!

The Notebook

I watched a movie last night called "The Notebook." The synopsis of it all is this: It's a love story of a summer romance between a wealthy family's daughter (Allie) and a mill worker (Noah). They fall madly in love that summer. He taught her how to enjoy the simple things in life. She grew up learning how to please people and not doing what she really wanted. What does she do for herself?

Young Allie: Painting.

Young Noah: What?

Young Allie: You asked me, what I do for me...

Young Noah: What now?

Young Allie: I love to paint.

Young Noah: Really?

Young Allie: Mmm-hmm. Most of the time I have all these thoughts bouncin' around in my head... but with a brush in my hand, the world just gets kinda quiet.

One night he took her to a really dilapidated house and told her all the things he wanted to do to it for them to live in. She asked for 2 things - that it be white with blue shutters and that it have a painting room facing the creek. They made love for the first time there.

Her parents sent the police out to look for her that night. They disapproved of the relationship and tried to convince Allie it wasn't a good idea. Noah was waiting in the house and heard all the hurtful things her parents said about him. Allie even told her mother (Anne) that the way she looks at Noah is very different from the way her mother looks at her father - there isn't that much love in her mother's eyes for her father, that is how she Allie knows that she loves Noah and it's real.

Anne: She is out foolin' around with that boy until two o'clock in the morning and it has got to stop! I didn't spend seventeen years of my life raising a daughter and giving her EVERYTHING, so she could throw it away on a summer romance!

Young Allie: [Screaming] DADDY!

Anne: She will wind up with her heart broken or pregnant! Now he's a nice boy, but he's...

Young Allie: He's WHAT? He is what? Tell me!

Anne: He is trash! Trash! Trash! Not for you!

That very night her family decided to move away the very next day. Heartbroken Noah left the house and he and Allie had an argument - he decided to make it easy and just break it off.

Young Noah: We can just finish out the summer and see what happens then.

Young Allie: Please don't do this, you don't mean it. Oh why wait until the summer ends? Why don't you do it right now? [pushes Noah against car]

Young Allie: Huh? C'mon. Do it! Do it! [repeatedly pushes Noah, starts hitting Noah, Noah starts hitting himself]

Young Allie: You know what? I'm gonna do it! It's over. Okay? it's over.

Young Noah: [opens his arms for a hug] Come here.

Young Allie: Don't touch me! I hate you! I hate you!

Young Noah: OK, I'm going.

Young Allie: Why don't you just go then? [pushes Noah in the car]

Young Allie: Get out! Leave! [kicks Noah's car]

Young Allie: Go!... No, no, just wait a minute, we're not really breaking up are we? Come on. This is just a fight we're having and tomorrow will be like it never happend right? [Noah drives away]

She's a bit of a drama queen.

Allie and her family leave Seabrook the next day back to their home in NYC. Noah wrote to Allie everyday for a year professing his feelings. Her mother intercepted the letters and she never saw them. He decided to move on after a year and he joined the army when World War II began. After the war, "he got this notion into his head that if he restore the old house where they had come that night, Allie would find a way to go back to him... " White house with blue shutters.

Allie waited 7 years for him. After that time she got engaged to a wealthy cotton broker - Lon, which of course her parents agreed to. While Allie was trying on her wedding gown she sees a picture of Noah and his home in the newspaper - she faints. She decides to return to Seabrook and see Noah before her wedding.

This was where the contrast in her relationship with Noah and Lon struck me the most. She used to run everywhere literally with a pep in her step when she was with Noah. She didn't do that with Lon. The simple things she and Noah did together made her happy - rowing in the lake, picnics, feeding the ducks, painting, enjoying each other's company, even just laughing together. The life in NYC, albeit exciting, still left her yearning. The makeup sex was just...

Young Noah: You're gonna kill me woman! I need sleep, I need food, to regain my strength!

She just disappeared from her NY life in Seabrook. Her mother came there to get her. They had a little heart to heart talk and her mother told her of her own story as a young girl. Turns out the mother had a similar story - she fell in love with a miner and had to choose between being with Allie's dad and the miner. You could see the regret in her mother's eyes.

Anne: 'Cause I might know you a little better than you think. And I don't want you waking up one morning thinking if you'd known everything you might have done something different.

Allie's mom gave her all 365 letters. Allie went in to tell Noah she had to leave to go see her fiance to make a decision. Their exchange...

Young Noah: It's not about following your heart and it's not about keeping your promises. It's about security.

Young Allie: What's that supposed to mean?

Young Noah: [yelling] Money. He's got a lot of money!

Young Allie: You smug bastard. I hate you for saying that.

Young Noah: You're bored Allie. You're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing.

Young Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch.

Young Noah: Would you just stay with me?

Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'

Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

Young Allie: So what?

Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.

Allie left the house in tears. On her way to the hotel, Allie pulls over to read the letters in tears. She goes to see her fiance to work things out. Allie has to choose between her soul mate and class order.

Young Allie: When I'm with Noah I feel like one person and when I'm with you I feel like someone totally different.

Lon: Allie, it's normal not to forget your first love but I want you for myself. I don't want to convince my fiancée that she should be with me.

Young Allie: You don't have to. I already know I should be with you.

The film goes many years later, in a nursing home Duke (Noah) tells this story from a faded notebook to Allie who has Alzheimer's. Allie asks Duke who Allie chose. She realizes the answer herself, and the scene, briefly, goes again to years earlier, where Allie goes back to Noah again, and they both embrace in reunion. Allie suddenly remembers her past and she and Noah joyfully spend a brief intimate time together.

Before her dementia intensified, Allie wrote the love story of her and Noah down in a notebook. She gave it to him with instructions to read it to her on days she couldn't remember, promising that her memory would come back as Noah read her their love story. Though her memory has faded, his words give her the chance to relive her turbulent youth and the unforgettable love they shared.

Their children want him to leave their mother in the home and they will take turns visiting her so that they can enjoy life with their dad. He declines.

Duke: That's my sweetheart in there. Wherever she is, that's where my home is.

The doctors thought that him telling her this story wouldn't bring back her memories. She doesn't even remember that he is her husband. But he tried everyday. At the end of him reading from this book, she gets a 4 minute memory breakthrough and they enjoy their love just holding each other until she snaps out of it and gets back in to the state having no recollection of anything or anyone around her.

He has a third heart attack after the incident with Allie, the strain proving too much for a man with an already weakened heart. He survives. Bue as soon as he gets out of the hospital he is back in the home. He goes to her room to visit with her. She sees him. She tells him she misses him. She remembers him.

Allie: Do you think our love, can take us away together?

Duke: I think our love can do anything we want it to.

Allie: I love you.

Duke: I love you, Allie.

Allie: Good night.

Duke: Good night. I'll be seeing you.

They sleept away together. They died together.

Duke: They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday...

Young Noah: [Allie and Noah are fighting] Don't push me! [Allie pushes Noah anyway]

Duke: ...But in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other.

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."

That's real love.

Everybody has somebody!

Hello Blog World!
My trip to TN is over. I am back to reality. I will post pictures and give updates as soon as I can.

I checked my email this morning and just *had* to post this little Garfield comic. It’s cute but sad for me at the same time… everybody has somebody… *sigh*
Enjoy!

My Trip Begins...

Now is there any question as to what is on my agenda for today...?
My desktop image changes automatically and this reminder popup just seem so nice together. This was the first thing I logged in to see this morning and I said to myself... "I gotta blog this!"
Guess this is a good sign...
I'm outtie... Leaving for FL.

Hurricane Felix

Looks like we’re in the centre of the hurricane dart board this year!

Although we were not directly hit by Dean, we did sustain significant damage especially to the south of the island. Some places still do not have electricity. We were lucky enough to have ours return within 48 hours of it being off. I was even back at work by the Tuesday… reluctantly of course!

The island is still in clean up mode. We lost a lot of foliage. Some people, as close to me as my immediate neighbor, even lost a part or some of their roof. We were very fortunate to only have damages to our awnings. The experience could have been a lot worse.

During the storm was scary. This one was different. We had a lot of wind and not as much rainfall. Even though you have some time to prepare for a hurricane before it actually hits… it’s like you still have to hope for the best because of the unpredictability.

So here we go again… Felix will probably bring us some rain. Another miss… too close for comfort for me but still thanking God.

Thank God for Closed Doors

We need to learn to thank the Lord for closed doors just as much as we do for open doors. The reason God closes doors is because He has not prepared anything over there for us. If he didn't close the wrong doorwe would never find our way to the right door. Even when we don't realize it, God directs our paths through the closing and opening of doors. When one door closes, it forces us to change our course. Anotherdoor closes; it forces us to change our course yet again. Then finally, we find the open door and walk right into our blessing.

But instead of praising God for the closed door (which kept us out of trouble), we get upset because we "judge by the appearances." And in our own arrogance, or ignorance, we insist that we know what is right. We have a very present help in the time of need who is always standing guard. Because He walks ahead of us, He can see trouble down the road and HE sets up road blocks and detours accordingly. But through our lack of wisdom we try to tear down the roadblocks or push aside the detour signs. Then the minute we get into trouble, we start crying "Lord how could this happen to me?" We have got to realize that the closed door was a blessing. Didn't He say that "No good thing will He withhold from them that love Him?"

If you get terminated from your job - don't be down, instead thank God for the new opportunities that will manifest themselves - it might be a better job, or an opportunity to go to school. If that man or womanwon't return your call - it might not be them, it might be the Lord setting up a roadblock (just let it go). I'm so grateful, for the many times God has closed doors to me, just to open them in the most unexpected places.

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way."

Psalms 37:23

The mountain top is glorious, but it is in the Valley that I will grow!

Martina McBride - Anyway

Not many people are in to country music. I like this song not because of the style or the singer but rather the simplicity and applicability of the lyrics.

In my personal life I am making some decisions now and ordinarily I would hesitate pending the outcome… but there comes a point where you can’t sit around waiting on all the answers before you proceed… go ahead and do it regardless.

A friend in a similar situation also said on her blog… “Be careful not to let a good thing pass because it's not perfect...” Just do it anyway…

T - This song is for you and I!

Enjoy…

Martina McBride - Anyway
You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yea - I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea, sing it anyway
Yeah, yeah!

I sing
I dream
I love anyway

Punctuation Prissy

I discovered another pet peeve of mine today…

Peeve #2
Thou shalt use the correct punctuation symbols.

Hey… I am not perfect. But when people constantly confuse using the accent mark (` - found on the same key as the tilde around the top left part of the keyboard) with a single quote (‘ – on the same key with the double quote) it peeves me.

They look alike but there’s a big difference. Please try to figure it out. Thank you!

Hurricane Dean

So now we’re bracing ourselves for the first major Hurricane of this season in the Atlantic region. Already it has begun to rain here. The eye, where the storm is the most intense, will pass over the south of our island… which is where I live. It’s already begun to rain.

I know how hurricanes can be. This is my fourth one for experience – Gilbert, Andrew, Ivan and now Dean. I’ve been blessed and fortunate to not have suffered in any of the first three which are major renowned ones. Let’s hope luck is still on my side with Dean. We’ve also had some tailwinds from others that I am not counting – simply a tropical storm. All a part of living in the tropics.

Of course some communication will be limited. We will lose electricity and all other associated lifestyle comforts including water supply. All we can do is be as best prepared as possible to face the inevitable. No control… just hope and a prayer.

To all persons being touched my Dean, I wish you luck and Godspeed. If you weren’t a religiously inclined person before… I think it’s about time to start.

God have mercy on us.

Pet Peeves

pet peeve

n. Informal

Something about which one frequently complains; a particular personal vexation.
- Dictionary.com

I decided to write about my own pet peeves not in one long, ranting post but as an ongoing list. I’ll even give these kinds of posts their own tag.

Peeve #1
Thou shalt not tell me to calm down when I’m passionately making a point.

I HATE it when I am in the middle of being passionate about a point and people hitch a reverse and tell me to “calm down.” It annoys me to the core. You are not my psych and I am not a nut case. If I want to get excited… let me! That’s just how I am. Hearing those words is like driving at 100mph and suddenly slamming into a brick wall. I mean… wtf…

I know what you’re thinking… but please don’t say it. That’s the irony of this post even…

The Fragile Happy Home

On Friday evening I went to visit a close coworker of mine. She recently moved in to my neighborhood – literally a minute away. She invited me over to take a look at the place and to be in on a little sewing project another mutual friend is spearheading. However, what was supposed to be a fun and productive evening didn’t end up quite as planned.

A little background on my friend Ruth. She is a Jehovah’s Witness, a wife and mother to three children and on the brink of divorce while also diagnosed with clinical depression. Therein are all the problems. She moved from the family home to where she is now to get away from the horrible situation her husband created.

I just had to mention her real name because of its significance. While I might not agree with her on all her religious beliefs as a Witness, I admire her faith in her Jehovah. Just like Ruth from the Bible, she displays a wholehearted devotion to her God. She is all about living right – a good Witness life. In everything she includes her Jehovah. Always thanking Him. Always finding Him and His blessing in all situations. If ever I admired someone for their devotion, it is this woman.

Funny enough though, I have heard them say that when you decide to serve your God is when the devil tempts you more as a Christian than if you were pagan. Satan already knows he has pagans packed on the road to hell. So Christians are his challenge to get.

Her husband has been unfaithful in the past - over six years ago, and she forgave him. In fact, make up sex produced the last child. He has since faltered without regret. Even up until the point of the second infidelity, she was willing to forgive him. The final straw was when he was disfellowshipped. This is when a baptized Witness has been disassociated from the faith because of their decision to not seek forgiveness or right the wrong in their way. In Ruth’s eyes, her husband no longer loves Jehovah and so she can’t have those feelings for someone who has fallen from Truth.

As you can well imagine, being clinically depressed does not help in all this. Thank God we work where we do, otherwise I am sure she would be jobless by now with all the time she has taken off from work to get better, etc. Most things bother her. Crying a lot. She has a lot of migraines too.

She has not been sleeping in the same bed with her husband since a little before he was disfellowshipped. He has also been flaunting the girls in her face. He would call them and flirt with them in her presence. He also has been taking the children to meet one woman in particular who he also brought in to their home when she was away for a weekend visiting her parents in the country. The children are also placed in a precarious situation where they are almost keeping secrets for their daddy with regards to where they’re going and with whom. He even hit her in her back one day in front of their son!

This move was like a dream come through and the timing was impeccable in light of all that was happening. She would end up sharing half of a house would another Witness, also a divorcee and who has two children of her own. Great! Right? The children will be playmates for each other. The roomie will understand her plight too. A match made in heaven while sharing expenses too. Finally, some light at the end of the tunnel. She moved out on Monday right after he left for work. She was happy. It felt liberating. We were happy for her.

No matter how much of a failure her husband was as a spouse, she would never speak ill of him as the father of her children. She would always acknowledge how good he was as a daddy and how he placed them as priority. This, upon closer examination, needs some rethinking considering he tore apart their family with infidelity. So out of respect for him, she told him where she had his children. She also made it abundantly clear that she is not restricting him from seeing them. They will just need to communicate to make proper arrangements.

So the next day, he came to the gate to pick up the children. The following day he came in to the front door to wait. By the third morning he barged in to the house in the bathroom where she was taking a shower to have discussions with her. He clearly does not get the fact that moving out implies certain limitations. His actions of course upset Ruth and she went to the police to have them call him and warn him that he cannot impose on her new living arrangements like that. This man has no respect for other people’s space. The next step of course would be a restraining order which I sense she is reluctant to do.

So Ruth and her roomie share a lot in common – including the depression and a horrible husband. Turns out Ms. Roomie had a horrible divorce where her husband stalked her and it took a long while for her to get over it and start over. The whole scenario of the obnoxious husband brought all the memories rushing back and triggered the depression. So, after four days she explained how she felt and asked Ruth to leave. Talk about numbing. All this went down while I was there on Friday.

So the saga starts all over again. My friend Ruth is now on another hunt for a place.

I felt drained by the time I left that house. I empathize with Ruthy so much. I wish I could help. I was in tears before I left. My friend Deb and I just hugged and cried outside the house. Our hearts go out to all of them. Poor children. Their mothers are a mess. I don’t want to end up like that. That is some severe emotional abuse right there.

Just goes to show how fragile we are as people and the facade we call life. Hats off to these ladies. They have an envied inner strength. I can only hope when I grow up I can pull of life a little more stably. I can only pray.

Questions, Expectations and Answers

I think we’re all guilty of at some time asking something of someone and because of past experience or some influence, we’ve built up what we would like the response to be. Usually this expectation is something that will swing the question in the way we please. However, this is the remedy for disaster when we don’t get the response we would like.

What I would like for us to remember is that when a question is asked, that the response can be at least either of two outcomes – an affirmative and a negative. It doesn’t make the person who gives you an answer a bad person if they don’t respond in the way they expect you to. By virtue of the fact that you asked a question of them, you gave them a choice and they have every right to exercise any option they feel suits them.

Where does all of this come from? LOL Funny enough at work. I was in my little cubicle one day on the phone doing some research on parts I needed to get for my car. A guy from another department happened to come by my department, looked at my desk which is in clear view from the door, sighted some mangoes I had on my desk and proceeded to come by to stand right at my desk.

I didn’t put the call on hold because it was really important - a cellular phone call at that, and the person I was speaking with was in kind of a rush. This bold young man stands and waits by my desk no less than 2 minutes while I rushed through the call. After all his waiting earnestly has got to be important. At the end of the call, I acknowledge him, “Yes Ryan?” His response, “I can get one of your mangoes?” while pointing to the three fruits on my desk as if I didn’t know what a mango was.

I was in shock. You came in to my cubicle. Stood there for over 2 minutes within listening range of my personal call to come ask me for a mango? Could you not have left when you saw me on the phone and come back later to request it? Such gall!

“No…” and I feel no remorse. Had he not intruded on the little space I am given from 8am to 5pm like that I would have given him one. How rude!! It’s not an office but that 6’ x 6’ space is mine and is to be kept private no matter how open it may seem.

Needless to say I am in his black book. I am sure. But! I don’t care. Sorry.

There goes the months of good coworker relations shot to hell in 5 minutes. LOL Ah well….

Plight of a Plump Madame

*Warning... This could step on some toes...*

It’s funny how easily blogging is getting these days. Many things are happening and as I have thoughts about them I reach for Word® and just jot them down.

This story resonates with me because I was once in a very similar situation. I overheard this young girl at my office talking to another close co-worker of mine – close in desk proximity and close in relationship too, hence the overhearing.

Imagine being the “friend” to a member of the opposite sex to help them through some of the tougher times while they go through a breakup. We’ll call the friends Jack and Jill. Jill was very supportive of Jack while he went through a bad breakup. She was his everything really. A rock of support to help him through. During this time Jack and Jill became close and did things together and shared a lot together. They were evolving.

Jack then started to become a little distant. Jill wrote it off as him settling in to his new single life. Well settle in he did. Turns out Jill would glimpse Jack around her workplace often. He even came there on “business” once and after saying hello to Jill he went to another department. Jill called that department to speak with him and was given a little attitude by a member of that department. Jill found this very strange and even wondered if she was over-reacting. She wrote it off as just a bad day.

Anyway, Jill keeps seeing Jack come to her workplace and not even call to hail her. Jack calls Jill recently to tell her how much he is grateful for the friendship they have. He also sincerely hopes he is not doing anything to damage their relationship in any way. But he also has something important to tell her… Jack is dating someone from her workplace. She puts two and two together and knows exactly who it is. The same Miss Thing who gave her attitude and she confirms.

Jill is a nice girl. She is a plump Madame but overall a great catch. She feels hurt by the incident. Yet another skinny girl walks in and no matter how kind and sensitive the man is…

I know how she feels. As a full figured woman myself, our picking for mates are always limited. You’ve got to be real lucky to find a good catch. Otherwise it’s the dregs that are left for the taking. I must admit that I have not been unlucky in this respect but it doesn’t mean I didn’t come across my share of the jerks.

It’s like no one looks at personality anymore. It’s all about the figure. We didn’t ask to be fat. Everyone was not created with the same metabolism. Why do we suffer? Why do we suffer alone? Just sad. It’s almost like we have a contagious disease.

To all my fluffy sisters out there… hang in there. I feel your pain. Better must come. Look forward to the day when all the Jacks out there are in pain again and know that someday you’ll want me to want you but I will be with someone who wants me more.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

It’s true what they say… "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Isn’t life funny like that? Imagine trying to do something good and it backfires in your face. Well intended acts can have disastrous results. Just sad.

I’ve never felt like that statement was more appropriate than just now. Imagine being in an excellent mood and pretty playful. I overheard that a friend was going on some fabulous trip which sounded pretty exciting. It was told to a mutual friend. It isn’t a secret or anything like that. So I decided to ask about the impending vacation in a cutsie way so I could get more details straight from the source.

Me: So… what’s new?
I get a list of things…
Me: Good for you (Y)
Me: Nothing else...? *-)
3rd Party: nothing else came to mind
Me: lol
Me: Nothing else happening soon?
3rd Party: like?
Me: I dunno.
Me: Things you would find in a fortune cookie.
Me: Maybe you're gonna come across some money
Me: Or you'll find true love
Me: Or you'll travel
Me: Or you'll be happy
Me: Or... you know... those things!
Me: :D
3rd Party: havent had chinese in a while

So after that I just came out and asked the person about the travel plans and whether or not they wanted me to know… That conversation right there pissed them off and I was accused of trying to deceive them. Puhlease give me more credit than that. My phishing expeditions are a lot craftier than that. Hmph!!

Needless to say it shot my good mood to shit. I can’t believe how that backfired. It was supposed to be a fun moment. I was even bouncing in my chair. :(

After all of that… I am just pessimistic. Good thing it happened. I don’t need that kind of negativity anyway. Pfffffft… Totally put off.

I will take accusations when they’re even in near range of the target. But that one? Waaaaaaaaay off base.