Remove the Plank from Your Eye‏

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
--Matthew 7:1-5

"Don't be a fault-finding grouch; when you feel like finding fault with somebody or something, stop for a moment and think; there is apt to be something wrong within yourself."
-- J. J. Reynolds

Pride

“The most flammable kind of wood is the chip on the shoulder.”
-- E. Joseph Cossman

The News Is Depressing

"I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failure."
--Chief Justice Earl Warren

A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing

"It's the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he doesn't know -- and the less a man knows, the more sure he is that he knows everything."
--Joyce Cary

Need To Be More Like A Cat

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want."
-- Joseph Wood Krutch (1893-1970), American writer, critic, and naturalist.

Dirty Mind

Mr. White, the biology professor, at a posh suburban girl's school, asked during class, "Miss Smith, would you name the organ in the human body, which under the appropriate con-ditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and define the conditions."
Miss Smith gasped, then said snottily, "Mr. White, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you that my parents will hear of this." With that, she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. White called on Miss Jones, and asked the same question. Miss Jones, with complete composure replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. White. "Now, Miss Smith, I have three things to say to you: one, you have not studied the chapter I assigned. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

Ralph Wiggum

Ralph Wiggum is Springfield Elementary's worst student, but as a character on 'The Simpsons' he has the best lines. If you don't believe me then check out this link and learn some of the most hilarious lines of dialogue ever said on "The Simpsons".

"Me fail english. That's unpossible."

Goodbye Almost Lover...

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never let forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Go Away Sunny Day...

Virtuous Dilemma

"Virtue is its own punishment."
-- Aneurin Bevan

Where Is My Soulmate?

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Combating Negativity

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy -- meditate on these things.
-- Philippians 4:8

Although you cannot always control the negative thoughts that enter your mind, you do have control over how long you keep them there.

Judge quotes lewd poem in ruling

LUTON, England - A British divorce judge ruling in a custody case quoted a famous poem about parenting that included a four-letter profanity beginning with "f." Lord Justice Nicholas Wall said in granting custody to the mother of a 9-year-old boy -- a decision that overturned a lower court's ruling giving custody to the boy's grand-parents -- that both the mother and father had come "within a whisker" of losing their rights as parents, The Sun reported. Wall said the boy had been harmed by the parents' "ongoing mutual dislike and recriminations" toward one another after their relationship ended. The judge quoted Philip Larkin's 1971 poem, "This Be the Verse," saying: "They (expletive) you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, and add some extra, just for you." Wall said the quoted lines "give a clear warning to parents."

Back to School

“Just when you think you’ve graduated from the school of experience, someone thinks up a new course.”
-- Mary H. Waldrip

Not Dressed Until You Put On A Smile

“We never know what ripples of healing we set in motion by simply smiling on one another.”

--Henry Drummond

Even More Bizarre May Holidays

• May 21 is National Memo Day and National Waitresses/Waiters Day
• May 22 is Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day
• May 23 is Penny Day
• May 24 is National Escargot Day
• May 25 is National Tap Dance Day
• May 26 is Grey Day
• May 27 is Body Painting Arts Festival
• May 28 is National Hamburger Day
• May 29 is End Of The Middle Ages Day
• May 30 is My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day
• May 31 is National Macaroon Day

The Perks of Being Over 60 Years Old

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
4. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.
9. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room.
14. You sing along with the elevator music.
15. Your eyes won't get much worse.
16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

How People Are...

"When someone SHOWS you who they are.......believe them."
--Mayo Angelou

Bad Seed Diss

"I bet you're an only child," I said to this pain in the ass I was talking to.
"As a matter of fact, I am," he said. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Nothing, really," I said. "It's just that there is a fine line between conception and indigestion."
"What?"
"I'm just saying that the night before you were conceived your mother may have swallowed what would have made a better person than you."

Inspiration: Wife & Window

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning, while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hang the wash outside.That laundry is not very clean, she said, she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap. Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look! She has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this."The husband said: "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!"
And so it is with life: "What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look. Before we give any criticism, it might be a good idea to check our state of mind and ask ourselves if we are ready to see the good rather than to be looking for something in the person we are about to judge. "

Swine Flu

"The government does not want us to call it the swine flu. They're calling it the 2009 H1N1 virus. The reason for the change is they want people to know you can still eat all the pork you want without any risk to your health, except diabetes, obesity and heart disease."

--Jimmy Kimmel

One of the Few Untaxable Items

“Thinking is one thing no has ever been able to tax.”
-- Charles Kettering

Play Play Money

Apparently there will be $5000 notes by September here. That is so sad. A reflection of where our economy is headed. Anyway, it's appropriate that I should stumble across this little fact.

There is more Monopoly money printed in a year, than real money printed throughout the world.

The amount of money in a Monopoly game is $15,140.

Misheard Lyrics

Kissthisguy.com is the only domain named after the world's most commonly misheard lyric (or is it?) From Jimi Hendrix's line " 'scuse me, while I kiss the sky!", this website archives many of the same type of mis-heard lines to many famous artists songs. Browse through artists such as The Monkees to the B-52's to Sheryl Crow. Have a line that you have always mis-heard/mis-sung and would like to add it? Do so here!

Encouragement

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.
-- Unknown

Closedmindedness

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance,it is the illusion of knowledge.
-- Daniel Boorstin

Woman skydives to mark 70th birthday

I want to do something exciting like this but not wait until I am 70. This woman gets mad props. I cannot imagine my mom who is 1 year shy of her age doing this. LOL

OGDEN, Utah - A Utah woman who survived a bout of potent-ially deadly West Nile virus says she celebrated her 70th birthday by skydiving with family and friends. Fay Andrews, who suffered from West Nile two years ago, said she celebrated her Monday birthday early by jumping out of a Cessna 208 Saturday alongside her grandson, grandnephews, grandniece and a friend while a crowd of 30 friends and family members looked on from the Ogden-Hinckley Airport, the Salt Lake Tribune reported. "When I was a little girl, somewhere in the back of my mind I wanted to jump from an airplane," Andrews said. "The idea must have stuck there." "It was wonderful," she told the assembled crowd after the jump. "You should try it." Andrews said her bout with West Nile virus left her hospitalized for five days and she required a month of rehabilitation to relearn how to walk and use her left arm. "I was in so much misery that I wanted to die," she said. "Then a friend pushed me and I decided that I was going to start living. I did everything I could to get better, including positive affirmations. I told myself over and over, 'Yes I can,' 'I can get healthy,' and 'I am healthy.'"

Bizarre Facts

• Every day 20 banks are robbed. The average take is $2,500!
• The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad!
• Tablecloths were originally meant to be served as towels with which dinner guests could wipe their hands and faces after eating!
• Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!
• One car out of every 230 made was stolen last year!
• The names of Popeye's four nephews are Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye!

[From strangefacts.com]

Workplace Blues

"How many people work in your office?" the boss asked the department head.
"Oh, about half of them, sir!"

It annoys me so much when some people are more dedicated and work harder to achieve goals and objectives and others are just along for a ride. When can I just kick back and ride it out too? Cho!

25 Things You Will Never Hear A Woman Say...

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More Bizarre May Holidays

• May 11 is Eat What You Want Day and Twilight Zone Day
• May 12 is Limerick Day
• May 13 is Leprechaun Day
• May 14 is National Dance Like A Chicken Day
• May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day
• May 16 is Wear Purple For Peace Day
• May 17 is Pack Rat Day
• May 18 is International Museum Day and Visit Your Relatives Day
• May 19 is Frog Jumping Jubilee Day
• May 20 is Eliza Doolittle Day

Sunburn Tips

If you are like me who gets burnt on a cloudy day then you might appreciate these tips to help in the unfortunate event it happens. Read on...


Sunburn Prevention:
Prevention is the best remedy here, if you can. Long-term results from excessive exposure to the sun, such as skin cancer and wrinkled skin, can be avoided with proper precautions. One of the best preventatives is to use a sun-screen with an SPF of 30 that offers protection against both UVA and UVB rays. You can get as much sun sightseeing as baking at the beach, so use sunscreen whenever you are outdoors.

Use an aloe vera lotion containing a sunblock. This will cut out 90% of the burning rays and allow 75% of the tanning rays to reach the skin.

To speed healing take the following supplements for a few days after getting burned: 1,000 mg of vitamin C, 400 I.U. of vitamin E, 15 mg of beta carotene, and 1-2 tablespoons (or about 3 capsules per teaspoon) of flaxseed oil, an essential fatty acid.

Caution: don't ever cover a sunburn that is blistered or open with an ointment, oil, salve or butter, for it will make the area susceptible to infection.

Remedies:

Aloe: Take as many leaves as necessary from an aloe plant; refrigerate; peel off top layer of leaves; apply the side of the leaf with flesh exposed directly to the sunburn. Other remedies use aloe vera juice: for mild to medium sunburn, keep the affected area moist with aloe vera juice. Repeat frequently. This will reduce the pain and the amount of peeling. Aloe vera ointment works well, too, as it contains oil and will not evaporate. For a severe sunburn, keep the area moist at all times with aloe vera juice. Since aloe vera is an astringent, you may want to use aloe vera ointment or some sort of oil, such as olive or baby. Aloe is very effective in relieving pain and inflammation.

Combine aloe juice with ½ the amount of vitamin E. Dab on the sunburn. Vitamin E is a good moisturizer.

Apple cider vinegar: Apply apple cider vinegar to the burn with a cottonball, or make a cooling compress for a large area to relieve the pain. Keep the skin moistened. This remedy will prevent blistering and peeling.

Aspirin: Aspirin kills the pain and reduces inflammation and redness of a sunburn. It short-circuits the whole sunburn process. It must be taken within 24 hours of getting sunburned. Aspirin is preferable to ibuprofen or acetaminophen because it is less stressful on the liver and kidneys.

Baking soda: Dissolve some baking soda in water and make a compress using a clean cloth. Another remedy is to add 1/2 cup of baking soda to a tepid bath and soak. Instead of drying the affected area with a towel, let it air dry. Baking soda is cooling and will help the skin retain moisture.

Baths: Add 20 drops of each of lavender and chamomile essential oils to a tubful of cool water and soak for 10 minutes.

Cucumber: Rub sunburned area with fresh cucumber slices. They are very cool and will soothe the area.

Epsom salts: Dissolve epsom salts in water and make a compress using a clean cloth.

Ice: Apply ice or cold water to the burned area. This will stop the burning process and cool the skin.

Lavender: Mix 20-25 drops of lavender oil in one cup of water and bathe the sunburned area.

Lemon Water: Mix the juice of three lemons into two cups of cold water and sponge on the sunburn. The lemon will cool the burn, act as a disinfectant, and will promote healing of the skin.

Milk: Make a compress of whole milk (or buttermilk) and apply to the burned area for 20 minutes; repeat every two to four hours. Wash the milk off so you won't smell sour! The fat content of the milk is soothing for burns.

Oatmeal: Put some oatmeal in tepid bath water, soak for a few minutes, then air dry yourself.

Oil: Cover the area with cooking oil and sprinkle powdered ginger on the oil. This will promote healing.

Onion: Bruise an onion and rub on the burn.

Peppermint: Apply peppermint oil to the sunburned skin. You can also make a mild peppermint infusion and use it as a wash to cool the sunburn.

Potato: Grate a potato and apply it to the burned area. The starch will cool and soothe the burn.

Shower: Take a warm shower to draw out the heat of your sunburn. The warm water will increase circulation to the area while hydrating it, thereby speeding the healing process.

Tea: Make some tea, cool, and apply to the burn. While any tea may be beneficial, mint tea, such as peppermint or spearmint are especially good. The teas have tannins that help the healing process.

Yogurt: Apply plain yogurt with live cultures, let it stand for a few minutes, then rinse off under cool water.

Another remedy using yogurt is to mix equal parts of yogurt and mashed strawberries and apply to the sunburned area for 15 minutes. Rinse with cool water.

Caution! You may have sun poisoning if you experience chills, fever, or get blisters or a rash. See your physician!

Recipe: Coconut Creme Brulee

I saw this recipe with my favourite Malibu Coconut Rum and I think I am going to try it. Let me share the recipe.


INGREDIENTS:
1 cup heavy cream
1 cup coconut milk, fresh or canned
8 egg yolks
1/3 cup granulated white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 tablespoons Malibu rum
1/4 cup granulated white sugar (for the caramelized tops)(optional)
3 tablespoons toasted, sweetened, flaked coconut

DIRECTIONS:Preheat oven to 300 degrees. In a large bowl, combine thecream, coconut milk, egg yolks, sugar, vanilla, and rum.Whisk until smooth. Skim off any foam or bubbles. Dividemixture among 6 ramekins or custard cups. Place in a waterbath and bake until set around the edges, but still loosein the center, about 50 minutes. Remove from oven and leavein the water bath until cooled. Remove cups from water bathand chill for at least 2 hours, or up to 2 days. When readyto serve, sprinkle about 2 teaspoons of sugar over each custard and caramelize with small butane torch. When the tophas hardened, sprinkle the toasted coconut evenly over thefinished creme brulee.

NOTES: To toast coconut, spread it out in a thin layer on abaking sheet. Place in a 300 degree oven for 10 to 12 minutes,until lightly browned. Shake the baking sheet a few times whiletoasting, checking often to be sure it doesn't burn. Also, if you do not have the torch you can put under thebroiler one at a time to caramelize the sugar but watch carefullyto prevent burning them.

Yield: Serves 6
Category: Desserts

Realtor offers free divorce with home

HUELVA, Spain - A Spanish real estate company is offering a free divorce lawyer as an incentive to couples who purchase three-bedroom homes in Huelva province. Officials with Geimsa realtors said the deal is aimed at couples who have been postponing divorce because they can't afford new homes, Britain's The Daily Telegraph reported. "A divorce is very expensive," said Vanesa Contioso of Geimsa. "So we are offering new clients the free use of our lawyers to handle the process." The deal applies to married couples who purchase three-bedroom homes for at least $89,000 in Huelva province.

Buddha With Thousand Hands

Never Give Up

“A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.”
-- President R.M. Nixon

The Voca People

Reality Hurts

"Humankind cannot stand very much reality."
-- T. S. Eliot

Second Guessing God

“Beware in your prayer, above everything, of limiting God, not only by unbelief, but by fancying that you know what He can do.”
-- Andrew Murray

Problem Solving

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."
-- Abraham Maslow

Bizarre May Holidays

• May 1 is Mother Goose Day and Save The Rhino Day
• May 2 is Fire Day
• May 3 is Lumpy Rug Day
• May 4 is National Candied Orange Peel Day
• May 5 is National Hoagie Day
• May 6 is Beverage Day
• May 7 is International Tuba Day, Paste Up Day, and National Roast Leg of Lamb Day
• May 8 is No Socks Day and Have A Coke Day
• May 9 is Lost Sock Memorial Day
• May 10 is Clean Up Your Room Day

Snowball - The Dancing Cockatoo

Snowball is a Medium Sulphur Crested Eleanora Cockatoo that dances to the Back Street Boys and other songs that he rates as having a "very good beat."

Control Over Your Life

“You cannot control the length of your life, but you can control its width and depth.”
-- Evan Esar

Good Times...

Love Your Neighbour

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, you shall love your neighbor as yourself.
-- Jesus of Nazareth

Stab of Indifference

The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity.
--George Bernard Shaw