Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work in my Volvo 1800 leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless.

I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila


Dear Sheila:

An 1800 stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum lines and hoses on the in-take manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

-Walter

How Long Is Too Long?‏

The media really does play a number on us. They paint all these pictures of ideal sex, and then men feel like they have to live up to an unattainable measurement. The images of lengthy, orgasm-inducing sex all over the place can start to take a toll on our perspectives and expectations.
I came across an article that might help put your mind at ease. "Short sex is the best, say experts" details how a random sampling considers intercourse to be ideal if it lasts between 7-13 minutes. Sound about right?

This is generally an adequate time but you would never know it based on everything we see in porn, television, and movies. Trust me, most women do not want to be jack hammered for 45 minutes at a time. Men, of course, would like it to last longer because it feels so good. But a part of this desire, too, is, again, the underlying belief that they need to be studs and go much longer.

How long is too long?

I Wanna Be

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are, because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far, for a might-have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

Trying to Help Out

Hope

“Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey towards it, casts a shadow of our burden behind us.”
--Samuel Smiles

Sex Statistics

• 10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date
• 20% of the men had sex in a non- traditional place
• 36% of the women favor nudity
• 45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes
• 46% of the women experienced anal sex
• 70% of the women prefer sex in the morning
• 80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations 90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest
• 99% of the women have never ex-perienced sex in the office.

Conclusion: Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

Moral: Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it.

We Think Ourselves In To Being

"Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives."
-- William James (1842-1910), American psychologist and philosopher trained as a medical doctor

I've always believed that so a man thinketh so is he (Proverbs 23:7). Unless you are mentally disturbed, all thoughts, whether it be good or bad, originate with a thought and manifests itself in the things we do. Also, when people are judgemental or accusatory of others' actions I think they come to that conclusion because somehow they have identified with something that person has done and automatically become suspicious of their intention because they can relate.

Is this far of a stretch? If you think good you expect good. If you think bad you expect bad. Fair enough?

Premise of a Blog

"It is not a bad idea to get in the habit of writing down one's thoughts. It saves one having to bother anyone else with them."
-- Isabel Colegate

Frosted Carrot Cake

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

LOL I like to cook. Recently I decided to try my hand at this new recipe for carrot cake I got on the internet. I love carrot cake. If I had some big occasion where I needed a nice dessert (I refuse to say at my wedding because that is looking next to never gonna happen) that would be one of my top 3 choices.

It had all sorts of delicious things in there like coconut, pineapple and nuts etc. I even decided to go all out and make a cream cheese icing to put on top. It was delicious! Only thing is I think the recipe is a little too oily. So the next time I do that recipe I a going to change it up some.

I'll share the recipe. But please heed to that word of caution about the oil. Enjoy!

INGREDIENTS:

2 cups flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 1/2 teaspoon salt2 cups sugar

1 1/2 cup oil

4 eggs

2 cups finely grated carrots

1 (8 1/2 oz.) can crushed pineapple, drained

1/2 cup chopped nuts

1 (3 1/2 oz.) can flaked coconut (opt.)

***Cream Cheese Icing:***

1/2 cup butter, softened

1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla1 (16 oz.) box confectioners' sugar, sifted

DIRECTIONS:

Sift together flour, baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda andsalt into large mixing bowl. Add carrots, pineapple, nuts andcoconut. Blend thoroughly until moist. Grease 3 (9") round cakepans; line with waxed paper. Divide batter equally among pans.Bake at 350 degrees for 30 to 40 minutes. Cool 10 to 15 minutesin pans. Turn onto wire racks; cool completely. Fill and frostlayers with Cream Cheese Icing. Cake will keep covered inrefrigerator for two weeks. Cream Cheese Icing: Combine butter, cream cheese and vanillain small bowl. Cream well. Add sugar gradually, beating untilsmooth. If mixture is too thick, add small amount of milk to thin.

Yield: Approx 12 Servings

Wine & Cheese

Liking wine is an acquired taste. It's not the most palatable thing especially if you get it wrong with the wrong food pairings. I quite like the taste of wine and cheese. I came across this list of preferred wines for specific cheeses and thought I would share with my readers. I'm just sorry they didn't have a recommendation for goat cheese....

• BLUE: Full-bodied reds, full-bodied whites, light dry whites,sweet whites
  
• BRIE: Medium and full-bodied reds, fruity whites, champagne
  
• CAMEMBERT: Light, medium and full-bodied reds


• MILD CHEDDAR: Light and fruity reds, most whites, champagne


• SHARP CHEDDAR: Full-bodied reds, fruity reds


• EDAM: Medium reds, fruity roses, light dry whites,champagne


• EMMANTAL: Light and medium reds, fruity whites


• FETA: Light reds, fruity whites


• GOUDA: Medium and light reds, roses, light dry whites,champagne


• GRUYERE: Semi-sweet whites, light wines


• HAVARTI: Dry reds, dry whites


• MUENSTER: Fruity and light reds, full-bodied dry whites


• SWISS: Most wines, both red and white

How Do You Measure Up?

Is size really important though? And if it is... girth or length or a good balance of both?

Life in the 1500's

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the1500s:


Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.


Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water ...


Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dogs.


There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt.. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Everyday they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."


Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.


Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.


England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.

And that's the truth. Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !

Adversity

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
-- Anne Bradstreet

When overwhelmed by tasks...

"Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
--Francis of Assisi

The First Thing You Notice

"According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars."
-- Author Unknown

Ain’t that the truth? I guess you could say that my breasts are my little piece of sex appeal. I know that no matter how much men try to look me in the face somehow when they glance away it’s usually a downward look to check out the rack. LOL

What do I physically look for in a guy? His height is the first thing. I am not attracted to men my height or shorter. Then it’s his mouth… the teeth must be good look and cared for and while nice lips are an added bonus good teeth can carry off even the thinnest lips. Next is his butt. LOL Not too flat but enough to grab on to. Also, I don’t like hairy men especially on the chest and limited on the face. Nice arms are an asset too. If I get close enough to find out he must not have bad breath – that rules smokers out on two levels. Usually smokers’ breath smells and their lips look dark and burnt. All in all a great personality to boot can overrule these physical attributes. hehe

A friend in need...

"Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again."
-- Author Unknown

Maybe I have surrounded myself with the wrong kind of people. But I realize that more and more people are selfish and insular. I don’t know if we’re all overwhelmed by the challenges life throws us so much so that we are too spent on our own problems to even be concerned about someone else as a means of self preservation. The irony is that usually it’s easier to cope when we share with each other rather than our natural instinct to act niggardly.

Case in point, last weekend I had battery problems. There is this coworker who lives very close to me and I had expressed having this difficulty to him. A few months ago when they had stolen his car I would take him to work and bring him home a few times just to help out a little. I guess it was too much to expect that he would offer to assist me in some way or even enquire as to how I would be getting to work Monday morning. Haha I don’t think so… In fact I was very late for work Monday morning and it never dawned on him to even ask if I got through when I finally arrived. LOL

Too often I have been bitten by overextending myself to people who won’t consider doing the same for me. I have decided to be more selfish for my own protection. But somehow that isn’t really who I am and it’s difficult to just turn a blind eye when I can easily help.

25 Phrases Of Wisdom

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

A Friend

To an athlete, “a friend is a balancing pole that enables us to walk the tightrope of life without falling.”

To a physician, “a friend may be likened to a soft bandage and a soothing ointment for the cuts and bruises of life.”

To a botanist, “a friend is a vine that clings to us and hides the discrepancies and rough places of life.” The florist added: “Yes, and the greater the ruin, the closer a friend clings.”

To a mourner, “a friend is one who comes in when the whole world goes out.”

Conscience

The voice of conscience is so delicate that it is easy to stifle it; but it is also so clear that it is impossibleto mistake it.
--Mme De Staîl