Worry Not

"Don't worry about tomorrow. After all, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."
-- Author Unknown

Interesting Group Names

1. A group of unicorns... a blessing
2. A group of kangaroos... a mob
3. A group of whales... a pod
4. A group of geese... a gaggle
5. A group of owls... a parliament
6. A group of ravens... an unkindness
7. A group of crows... a murder
8. A group of bears... a sleuth
9. A group of alligators... a congregation
10. A group of cockroaches... an intrusion (This is the truest one of all!!)

Strength

"Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces."
-- Judith Viorst

My Job

"Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity."
--Karl Marx

Perfect Day

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.

The Right Person

"There are many more people trying to meet the right person than to become the right person."
--Gloria Steinem

How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner... as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost over-night.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off...to your advantage.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.

Signs You've Grown Up

• Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
• You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
• Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
• You don't know what time KFC closes anymore.
• Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
• Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
• Dinner and a movie is a whole date instead of the beginning of one.
• You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
• Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
• You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

Success

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed."
-- Booker T. Washington (1856-1915)
American educator, orator, author and leader of the African-American community.