I'm not fat... just smarter!

I hate cockroaches

I hate cockroaches.
I hate cockroaches with a passion.
They smell. They’re nasty. They look gross. And they shit everywhere.
I HATE COCKROACHES!!

Living in the tropics affords you the dismay of becoming friendly with a few more critters than you would like. Our houses are open for the most part because most of us average people cannot afford central air conditioning and we can’t lock up the house to bake to death in the blistering heat.

This allows for cockroaches to saunter in. Nasty motherf@$%&ers!!

So there is this roach that decides to take residency in my bathroom. She only comes out at night… I assume this because when I am here on a weekend I don’t see her during the day. I was hoping that she would just live out her lifespan and die soon. As much as I don’t like cockroaches… I don’t like killing them either to see what sh!t they have left inside splatter everywhere. YUCK!

So back to this bitch. Last night I came home to see her perched on my soap dish and nibbling away at my soap. Oh no… that’s it!! This bitch has got to go now! But based on previous more passive attempts, she has outsmarted me and regretfully got away. This morning… about 10 minutes ago I saunter in the bathroom to empty my bladder when lo and behold on the floor is this stupid mothalova! This means war…

I realized that I had to be strategic. This had to be as painless for me as possible and as painful for her as ever. I peed first. This could take a while to kill her so I wanted to be free from any discomforts. After all this while the bitch still sits there looking at me endearingly. So washed my hands, went to my bedroom to pick my weapon of destruction.

I figured I needed something that had no grooves under the bottom and was heavy enough itself to exert the force. I found the perfect shoe. I go back to the bathroom after all this while… oh she was begging for it. Secretly a small part of me wished she would just run away and didn’t really have to do this. But obviously it was time to live up to my fears.

Upon close inspection, I discovered that she was perched so close to the door that to get a good direct hit, I would need to move the door and then whack her. So I decided to push the door with my left hand and crush her with the shoe in my right in one swift movement.

WHAM!

I managed to get the bottom half of her and she is on her back (stupid bitch) rolling all around and sh!tting. Gross. I am successful!

So I cleaned up with some wipes. Threw her in the toilet and laughed all the way. I watched her and she floated around, got on top of the tissue and just when she thought she was safe… *flush* Die bitch! I laughed all the way down as I watched her descend in to roach heaven. (I decided it must be roach heaven because those nasty creatures eat turd!!!)

Victory was mine. I just hope there wasn’t a whole family in there yet cause I don’t know how much more of this I can do. There needs to be an easier way of population control. Yuck man! I have gone through GREAT pains to ensure there are no roaches lingering around my immediate area only to… cho… you heard that story already. Cho!!

Enough is enough. I understand survival of the fittest now a little better. AND how anger can make you do things you never dreamt of doing.

After all that adrenalin… I can’t sleep.
I HATE those nasty bitches!!

The Notebook

I watched a movie last night called "The Notebook." The synopsis of it all is this: It's a love story of a summer romance between a wealthy family's daughter (Allie) and a mill worker (Noah). They fall madly in love that summer. He taught her how to enjoy the simple things in life. She grew up learning how to please people and not doing what she really wanted. What does she do for herself?

Young Allie: Painting.

Young Noah: What?

Young Allie: You asked me, what I do for me...

Young Noah: What now?

Young Allie: I love to paint.

Young Noah: Really?

Young Allie: Mmm-hmm. Most of the time I have all these thoughts bouncin' around in my head... but with a brush in my hand, the world just gets kinda quiet.

One night he took her to a really dilapidated house and told her all the things he wanted to do to it for them to live in. She asked for 2 things - that it be white with blue shutters and that it have a painting room facing the creek. They made love for the first time there.

Her parents sent the police out to look for her that night. They disapproved of the relationship and tried to convince Allie it wasn't a good idea. Noah was waiting in the house and heard all the hurtful things her parents said about him. Allie even told her mother (Anne) that the way she looks at Noah is very different from the way her mother looks at her father - there isn't that much love in her mother's eyes for her father, that is how she Allie knows that she loves Noah and it's real.

Anne: She is out foolin' around with that boy until two o'clock in the morning and it has got to stop! I didn't spend seventeen years of my life raising a daughter and giving her EVERYTHING, so she could throw it away on a summer romance!

Young Allie: [Screaming] DADDY!

Anne: She will wind up with her heart broken or pregnant! Now he's a nice boy, but he's...

Young Allie: He's WHAT? He is what? Tell me!

Anne: He is trash! Trash! Trash! Not for you!

That very night her family decided to move away the very next day. Heartbroken Noah left the house and he and Allie had an argument - he decided to make it easy and just break it off.

Young Noah: We can just finish out the summer and see what happens then.

Young Allie: Please don't do this, you don't mean it. Oh why wait until the summer ends? Why don't you do it right now? [pushes Noah against car]

Young Allie: Huh? C'mon. Do it! Do it! [repeatedly pushes Noah, starts hitting Noah, Noah starts hitting himself]

Young Allie: You know what? I'm gonna do it! It's over. Okay? it's over.

Young Noah: [opens his arms for a hug] Come here.

Young Allie: Don't touch me! I hate you! I hate you!

Young Noah: OK, I'm going.

Young Allie: Why don't you just go then? [pushes Noah in the car]

Young Allie: Get out! Leave! [kicks Noah's car]

Young Allie: Go!... No, no, just wait a minute, we're not really breaking up are we? Come on. This is just a fight we're having and tomorrow will be like it never happend right? [Noah drives away]

She's a bit of a drama queen.

Allie and her family leave Seabrook the next day back to their home in NYC. Noah wrote to Allie everyday for a year professing his feelings. Her mother intercepted the letters and she never saw them. He decided to move on after a year and he joined the army when World War II began. After the war, "he got this notion into his head that if he restore the old house where they had come that night, Allie would find a way to go back to him... " White house with blue shutters.

Allie waited 7 years for him. After that time she got engaged to a wealthy cotton broker - Lon, which of course her parents agreed to. While Allie was trying on her wedding gown she sees a picture of Noah and his home in the newspaper - she faints. She decides to return to Seabrook and see Noah before her wedding.

This was where the contrast in her relationship with Noah and Lon struck me the most. She used to run everywhere literally with a pep in her step when she was with Noah. She didn't do that with Lon. The simple things she and Noah did together made her happy - rowing in the lake, picnics, feeding the ducks, painting, enjoying each other's company, even just laughing together. The life in NYC, albeit exciting, still left her yearning. The makeup sex was just...

Young Noah: You're gonna kill me woman! I need sleep, I need food, to regain my strength!

She just disappeared from her NY life in Seabrook. Her mother came there to get her. They had a little heart to heart talk and her mother told her of her own story as a young girl. Turns out the mother had a similar story - she fell in love with a miner and had to choose between being with Allie's dad and the miner. You could see the regret in her mother's eyes.

Anne: 'Cause I might know you a little better than you think. And I don't want you waking up one morning thinking if you'd known everything you might have done something different.

Allie's mom gave her all 365 letters. Allie went in to tell Noah she had to leave to go see her fiance to make a decision. Their exchange...

Young Noah: It's not about following your heart and it's not about keeping your promises. It's about security.

Young Allie: What's that supposed to mean?

Young Noah: [yelling] Money. He's got a lot of money!

Young Allie: You smug bastard. I hate you for saying that.

Young Noah: You're bored Allie. You're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing.

Young Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch.

Young Noah: Would you just stay with me?

Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'

Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

Young Allie: So what?

Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.

Allie left the house in tears. On her way to the hotel, Allie pulls over to read the letters in tears. She goes to see her fiance to work things out. Allie has to choose between her soul mate and class order.

Young Allie: When I'm with Noah I feel like one person and when I'm with you I feel like someone totally different.

Lon: Allie, it's normal not to forget your first love but I want you for myself. I don't want to convince my fiancée that she should be with me.

Young Allie: You don't have to. I already know I should be with you.

The film goes many years later, in a nursing home Duke (Noah) tells this story from a faded notebook to Allie who has Alzheimer's. Allie asks Duke who Allie chose. She realizes the answer herself, and the scene, briefly, goes again to years earlier, where Allie goes back to Noah again, and they both embrace in reunion. Allie suddenly remembers her past and she and Noah joyfully spend a brief intimate time together.

Before her dementia intensified, Allie wrote the love story of her and Noah down in a notebook. She gave it to him with instructions to read it to her on days she couldn't remember, promising that her memory would come back as Noah read her their love story. Though her memory has faded, his words give her the chance to relive her turbulent youth and the unforgettable love they shared.

Their children want him to leave their mother in the home and they will take turns visiting her so that they can enjoy life with their dad. He declines.

Duke: That's my sweetheart in there. Wherever she is, that's where my home is.

The doctors thought that him telling her this story wouldn't bring back her memories. She doesn't even remember that he is her husband. But he tried everyday. At the end of him reading from this book, she gets a 4 minute memory breakthrough and they enjoy their love just holding each other until she snaps out of it and gets back in to the state having no recollection of anything or anyone around her.

He has a third heart attack after the incident with Allie, the strain proving too much for a man with an already weakened heart. He survives. Bue as soon as he gets out of the hospital he is back in the home. He goes to her room to visit with her. She sees him. She tells him she misses him. She remembers him.

Allie: Do you think our love, can take us away together?

Duke: I think our love can do anything we want it to.

Allie: I love you.

Duke: I love you, Allie.

Allie: Good night.

Duke: Good night. I'll be seeing you.

They sleept away together. They died together.

Duke: They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday...

Young Noah: [Allie and Noah are fighting] Don't push me! [Allie pushes Noah anyway]

Duke: ...But in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other.

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."

That's real love.