I hate cockroaches

I hate cockroaches.
I hate cockroaches with a passion.
They smell. They’re nasty. They look gross. And they shit everywhere.
I HATE COCKROACHES!!

Living in the tropics affords you the dismay of becoming friendly with a few more critters than you would like. Our houses are open for the most part because most of us average people cannot afford central air conditioning and we can’t lock up the house to bake to death in the blistering heat.

This allows for cockroaches to saunter in. Nasty motherf@$%&ers!!

So there is this roach that decides to take residency in my bathroom. She only comes out at night… I assume this because when I am here on a weekend I don’t see her during the day. I was hoping that she would just live out her lifespan and die soon. As much as I don’t like cockroaches… I don’t like killing them either to see what sh!t they have left inside splatter everywhere. YUCK!

So back to this bitch. Last night I came home to see her perched on my soap dish and nibbling away at my soap. Oh no… that’s it!! This bitch has got to go now! But based on previous more passive attempts, she has outsmarted me and regretfully got away. This morning… about 10 minutes ago I saunter in the bathroom to empty my bladder when lo and behold on the floor is this stupid mothalova! This means war…

I realized that I had to be strategic. This had to be as painless for me as possible and as painful for her as ever. I peed first. This could take a while to kill her so I wanted to be free from any discomforts. After all this while the bitch still sits there looking at me endearingly. So washed my hands, went to my bedroom to pick my weapon of destruction.

I figured I needed something that had no grooves under the bottom and was heavy enough itself to exert the force. I found the perfect shoe. I go back to the bathroom after all this while… oh she was begging for it. Secretly a small part of me wished she would just run away and didn’t really have to do this. But obviously it was time to live up to my fears.

Upon close inspection, I discovered that she was perched so close to the door that to get a good direct hit, I would need to move the door and then whack her. So I decided to push the door with my left hand and crush her with the shoe in my right in one swift movement.

WHAM!

I managed to get the bottom half of her and she is on her back (stupid bitch) rolling all around and sh!tting. Gross. I am successful!

So I cleaned up with some wipes. Threw her in the toilet and laughed all the way. I watched her and she floated around, got on top of the tissue and just when she thought she was safe… *flush* Die bitch! I laughed all the way down as I watched her descend in to roach heaven. (I decided it must be roach heaven because those nasty creatures eat turd!!!)

Victory was mine. I just hope there wasn’t a whole family in there yet cause I don’t know how much more of this I can do. There needs to be an easier way of population control. Yuck man! I have gone through GREAT pains to ensure there are no roaches lingering around my immediate area only to… cho… you heard that story already. Cho!!

Enough is enough. I understand survival of the fittest now a little better. AND how anger can make you do things you never dreamt of doing.

After all that adrenalin… I can’t sleep.
I HATE those nasty bitches!!