Plight of a Plump Madame

*Warning... This could step on some toes...*

It’s funny how easily blogging is getting these days. Many things are happening and as I have thoughts about them I reach for Word® and just jot them down.

This story resonates with me because I was once in a very similar situation. I overheard this young girl at my office talking to another close co-worker of mine – close in desk proximity and close in relationship too, hence the overhearing.

Imagine being the “friend” to a member of the opposite sex to help them through some of the tougher times while they go through a breakup. We’ll call the friends Jack and Jill. Jill was very supportive of Jack while he went through a bad breakup. She was his everything really. A rock of support to help him through. During this time Jack and Jill became close and did things together and shared a lot together. They were evolving.

Jack then started to become a little distant. Jill wrote it off as him settling in to his new single life. Well settle in he did. Turns out Jill would glimpse Jack around her workplace often. He even came there on “business” once and after saying hello to Jill he went to another department. Jill called that department to speak with him and was given a little attitude by a member of that department. Jill found this very strange and even wondered if she was over-reacting. She wrote it off as just a bad day.

Anyway, Jill keeps seeing Jack come to her workplace and not even call to hail her. Jack calls Jill recently to tell her how much he is grateful for the friendship they have. He also sincerely hopes he is not doing anything to damage their relationship in any way. But he also has something important to tell her… Jack is dating someone from her workplace. She puts two and two together and knows exactly who it is. The same Miss Thing who gave her attitude and she confirms.

Jill is a nice girl. She is a plump Madame but overall a great catch. She feels hurt by the incident. Yet another skinny girl walks in and no matter how kind and sensitive the man is…

I know how she feels. As a full figured woman myself, our picking for mates are always limited. You’ve got to be real lucky to find a good catch. Otherwise it’s the dregs that are left for the taking. I must admit that I have not been unlucky in this respect but it doesn’t mean I didn’t come across my share of the jerks.

It’s like no one looks at personality anymore. It’s all about the figure. We didn’t ask to be fat. Everyone was not created with the same metabolism. Why do we suffer? Why do we suffer alone? Just sad. It’s almost like we have a contagious disease.

To all my fluffy sisters out there… hang in there. I feel your pain. Better must come. Look forward to the day when all the Jacks out there are in pain again and know that someday you’ll want me to want you but I will be with someone who wants me more.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

It’s true what they say… "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Isn’t life funny like that? Imagine trying to do something good and it backfires in your face. Well intended acts can have disastrous results. Just sad.

I’ve never felt like that statement was more appropriate than just now. Imagine being in an excellent mood and pretty playful. I overheard that a friend was going on some fabulous trip which sounded pretty exciting. It was told to a mutual friend. It isn’t a secret or anything like that. So I decided to ask about the impending vacation in a cutsie way so I could get more details straight from the source.

Me: So… what’s new?
I get a list of things…
Me: Good for you (Y)
Me: Nothing else...? *-)
3rd Party: nothing else came to mind
Me: lol
Me: Nothing else happening soon?
3rd Party: like?
Me: I dunno.
Me: Things you would find in a fortune cookie.
Me: Maybe you're gonna come across some money
Me: Or you'll find true love
Me: Or you'll travel
Me: Or you'll be happy
Me: Or... you know... those things!
Me: :D
3rd Party: havent had chinese in a while

So after that I just came out and asked the person about the travel plans and whether or not they wanted me to know… That conversation right there pissed them off and I was accused of trying to deceive them. Puhlease give me more credit than that. My phishing expeditions are a lot craftier than that. Hmph!!

Needless to say it shot my good mood to shit. I can’t believe how that backfired. It was supposed to be a fun moment. I was even bouncing in my chair. :(

After all of that… I am just pessimistic. Good thing it happened. I don’t need that kind of negativity anyway. Pfffffft… Totally put off.

I will take accusations when they’re even in near range of the target. But that one? Waaaaaaaaay off base.

Grown Up Stuffs

I think I am at the stage in my life where all the perfect little couples around the place that I know are getting married, having babies and doing the grown up thing. I am sincerely happy for them all. I am looking at 2 more weddings for this year and 2 more next year already with 2 babies on the way too.

Funny how life turns out though. Back in high school I used to be branded as one of the more mature (ha!) girls who would settle down fast and get married and do the mom thing with the picket fence a dog, cat and fish. I have the dog… does that count?

I distinctly remember my first boyfriend’s promise that I would be the first of my peers married and settled. I just threw that one on the pile of empty promises he made. Thank God he broke that promise though!! This he said while criticizing my best friend in high school for being immature. God was he a jerk.

Anyway… I now look at my life and I wonder if I have failed. I mean, hell I am only 24 but at this age people start looking at you and wondering what you’re doing with your life. I feel the pressure of the judging eyes and sometimes I just cave in and worry about my state too.

But you know… realistically… am I ready? I know of a 40 year old who just got married and was pregnant while preparing for the wedding. Neat huh? Having no one judge you for having a baby without being married at that age. She’s just happy as a lark marrying her doctor. She waited. Her career is booming. She’s settled and ready. More power to you. By that age I think I would have committed social suicide.

Even though I personally would not want to wait until 40 to have children it seems the best time when you’re prepared. You’re over lots of little issues and are on cruise control. I am the product of growing up with parents old enough to be your grandparents and I just wouldn’t want to be that way with my children. The generation gap makes it very difficult. Trust me. It’s not been all bad. Just difficult to come to terms with certain realities like they might not know their grandchildren. The morals from raising a child the old way are priceless though. In some ways it has allowed me to set my priorities straight when compared to people around my age.

Then there’s the other side of the spectrum… people getting married too young. While it does work out for some, it ends miserably for others. I know persons married in their early 20s who end up divorced years later for a myriad of reasons ranging from abuse to infidelity. I wouldn’t want to be there. Especially with kids in the middle.

There’s the middle ground kind of relationships too – less serious but definitely committed. Just having fun with that one person you can rely on. Those are cool too. Seems to be more where I am comfortable now too. Sharing the same interests –socially, emotionally, politically, economically, sexually, financially, etc. Breeding ground for the next phase of seriousness. This kind is really cool for young people. Which I was there... *sigh* Someday...

No one can dictate when you’re ready for a venture like this but yourself. I need to reassure myself of this and find my happy place in my situation.

Expectations

I know it’s been a long time since I have blogged. I just didn’t feel like to be honest. I imagine that this is pretty much how this will progress – on and off. Not very good for maintaining a good reader base but alas it cannot be helped. As an avid reader of a few blogs myself, I expect a regular update to be interested.

Funny enough the topic on my mind tonight is very similar… Expectations. That’s the general gist anyway. To be specific, what do we expect from the various relationships we have? Do we expect more than is humanly possible to give?

They say only siths believe in absolutes (for you Star Wars fans out there, w00t!). Either it’s black or white – no grey. Either you’re with me or you’re not. Isn’t religion like that though? When we sin, we sin against God and hence are not a part of his fold. But He is merciful and forgives when sincerely asked. If you don’t recognize the wrong to ask for forgiveness, then you’re not with Him. So is believing in absolutes so wrong?

When I get close to someone I usually give a lot of myself, my time, my resources, my emotions and in general my love and concern. Different levels of people get different combinations of the above and then some. But the dilemma isn’t really at selecting what level to bump someone up or down to… it’s that I expect reciprocation to the same degree.

Someone I thought I used to love once told me that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you expect, doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have inside of them. You can’t make someone like or love you. And if all they have to offer to you is not enough then just move on.

But really… you can’t make someone like or love you? How true is that? If you keep giving to someone in the ways they need isn’t it human nature to gravitate toward that person who gives you that sated feeling? I don’t know… but anyway… I digress.

When you become so vulnerable in your relationships, you become sensitive to things that the person does to you. The more you care is inversely proportional to how much you let things not bother you. More caring = less impervious. So this increased sensitivity breeds all kinds of things if it gets out of control like anger, jealousy, resentment, alienation, etc.

These emotions are backward progressive because it ultimately will push someone away. Yet, we do them anyway. Why? Maybe it’s temporary insanity. Maybe you’re a glutton for pain. Maybe you figure if they go away then you’re making the cause of these emotions go away. Yet, when they’re gone, you miss all they brought to your life. Go figure.

So how do we prevent this altercation from happening? When we get close to someone do you expect them to just know that what they’re doing hurts you? Are they mind readers? How else will they know what they specifically have done really offended you if you don’t tell them? When do you tell them? Do you just let them figure it out? Do you wait until you have calmed down to tell them? What if you’re afraid that they won’t understand where you’re coming from because you just can’t explain it that well? What if you let them in to how you’re thinking and they end up judging you and hurt your feelings? Do we expect too much for them to just know us that well and figure it out?

I expect a lot. And I always get disappointed and hurt. Sometimes I just want to be and stay in my own little box. Been there and done that though and I don’t like it anymore than being hurt. Where’s my grey area then? I’m still learning.

*sigh*