Expectations

I know it’s been a long time since I have blogged. I just didn’t feel like to be honest. I imagine that this is pretty much how this will progress – on and off. Not very good for maintaining a good reader base but alas it cannot be helped. As an avid reader of a few blogs myself, I expect a regular update to be interested.

Funny enough the topic on my mind tonight is very similar… Expectations. That’s the general gist anyway. To be specific, what do we expect from the various relationships we have? Do we expect more than is humanly possible to give?

They say only siths believe in absolutes (for you Star Wars fans out there, w00t!). Either it’s black or white – no grey. Either you’re with me or you’re not. Isn’t religion like that though? When we sin, we sin against God and hence are not a part of his fold. But He is merciful and forgives when sincerely asked. If you don’t recognize the wrong to ask for forgiveness, then you’re not with Him. So is believing in absolutes so wrong?

When I get close to someone I usually give a lot of myself, my time, my resources, my emotions and in general my love and concern. Different levels of people get different combinations of the above and then some. But the dilemma isn’t really at selecting what level to bump someone up or down to… it’s that I expect reciprocation to the same degree.

Someone I thought I used to love once told me that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you expect, doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have inside of them. You can’t make someone like or love you. And if all they have to offer to you is not enough then just move on.

But really… you can’t make someone like or love you? How true is that? If you keep giving to someone in the ways they need isn’t it human nature to gravitate toward that person who gives you that sated feeling? I don’t know… but anyway… I digress.

When you become so vulnerable in your relationships, you become sensitive to things that the person does to you. The more you care is inversely proportional to how much you let things not bother you. More caring = less impervious. So this increased sensitivity breeds all kinds of things if it gets out of control like anger, jealousy, resentment, alienation, etc.

These emotions are backward progressive because it ultimately will push someone away. Yet, we do them anyway. Why? Maybe it’s temporary insanity. Maybe you’re a glutton for pain. Maybe you figure if they go away then you’re making the cause of these emotions go away. Yet, when they’re gone, you miss all they brought to your life. Go figure.

So how do we prevent this altercation from happening? When we get close to someone do you expect them to just know that what they’re doing hurts you? Are they mind readers? How else will they know what they specifically have done really offended you if you don’t tell them? When do you tell them? Do you just let them figure it out? Do you wait until you have calmed down to tell them? What if you’re afraid that they won’t understand where you’re coming from because you just can’t explain it that well? What if you let them in to how you’re thinking and they end up judging you and hurt your feelings? Do we expect too much for them to just know us that well and figure it out?

I expect a lot. And I always get disappointed and hurt. Sometimes I just want to be and stay in my own little box. Been there and done that though and I don’t like it anymore than being hurt. Where’s my grey area then? I’m still learning.

*sigh*