Grown Up Stuffs

I think I am at the stage in my life where all the perfect little couples around the place that I know are getting married, having babies and doing the grown up thing. I am sincerely happy for them all. I am looking at 2 more weddings for this year and 2 more next year already with 2 babies on the way too.

Funny how life turns out though. Back in high school I used to be branded as one of the more mature (ha!) girls who would settle down fast and get married and do the mom thing with the picket fence a dog, cat and fish. I have the dog… does that count?

I distinctly remember my first boyfriend’s promise that I would be the first of my peers married and settled. I just threw that one on the pile of empty promises he made. Thank God he broke that promise though!! This he said while criticizing my best friend in high school for being immature. God was he a jerk.

Anyway… I now look at my life and I wonder if I have failed. I mean, hell I am only 24 but at this age people start looking at you and wondering what you’re doing with your life. I feel the pressure of the judging eyes and sometimes I just cave in and worry about my state too.

But you know… realistically… am I ready? I know of a 40 year old who just got married and was pregnant while preparing for the wedding. Neat huh? Having no one judge you for having a baby without being married at that age. She’s just happy as a lark marrying her doctor. She waited. Her career is booming. She’s settled and ready. More power to you. By that age I think I would have committed social suicide.

Even though I personally would not want to wait until 40 to have children it seems the best time when you’re prepared. You’re over lots of little issues and are on cruise control. I am the product of growing up with parents old enough to be your grandparents and I just wouldn’t want to be that way with my children. The generation gap makes it very difficult. Trust me. It’s not been all bad. Just difficult to come to terms with certain realities like they might not know their grandchildren. The morals from raising a child the old way are priceless though. In some ways it has allowed me to set my priorities straight when compared to people around my age.

Then there’s the other side of the spectrum… people getting married too young. While it does work out for some, it ends miserably for others. I know persons married in their early 20s who end up divorced years later for a myriad of reasons ranging from abuse to infidelity. I wouldn’t want to be there. Especially with kids in the middle.

There’s the middle ground kind of relationships too – less serious but definitely committed. Just having fun with that one person you can rely on. Those are cool too. Seems to be more where I am comfortable now too. Sharing the same interests –socially, emotionally, politically, economically, sexually, financially, etc. Breeding ground for the next phase of seriousness. This kind is really cool for young people. Which I was there... *sigh* Someday...

No one can dictate when you’re ready for a venture like this but yourself. I need to reassure myself of this and find my happy place in my situation.