The Fragile Happy Home

On Friday evening I went to visit a close coworker of mine. She recently moved in to my neighborhood – literally a minute away. She invited me over to take a look at the place and to be in on a little sewing project another mutual friend is spearheading. However, what was supposed to be a fun and productive evening didn’t end up quite as planned.

A little background on my friend Ruth. She is a Jehovah’s Witness, a wife and mother to three children and on the brink of divorce while also diagnosed with clinical depression. Therein are all the problems. She moved from the family home to where she is now to get away from the horrible situation her husband created.

I just had to mention her real name because of its significance. While I might not agree with her on all her religious beliefs as a Witness, I admire her faith in her Jehovah. Just like Ruth from the Bible, she displays a wholehearted devotion to her God. She is all about living right – a good Witness life. In everything she includes her Jehovah. Always thanking Him. Always finding Him and His blessing in all situations. If ever I admired someone for their devotion, it is this woman.

Funny enough though, I have heard them say that when you decide to serve your God is when the devil tempts you more as a Christian than if you were pagan. Satan already knows he has pagans packed on the road to hell. So Christians are his challenge to get.

Her husband has been unfaithful in the past - over six years ago, and she forgave him. In fact, make up sex produced the last child. He has since faltered without regret. Even up until the point of the second infidelity, she was willing to forgive him. The final straw was when he was disfellowshipped. This is when a baptized Witness has been disassociated from the faith because of their decision to not seek forgiveness or right the wrong in their way. In Ruth’s eyes, her husband no longer loves Jehovah and so she can’t have those feelings for someone who has fallen from Truth.

As you can well imagine, being clinically depressed does not help in all this. Thank God we work where we do, otherwise I am sure she would be jobless by now with all the time she has taken off from work to get better, etc. Most things bother her. Crying a lot. She has a lot of migraines too.

She has not been sleeping in the same bed with her husband since a little before he was disfellowshipped. He has also been flaunting the girls in her face. He would call them and flirt with them in her presence. He also has been taking the children to meet one woman in particular who he also brought in to their home when she was away for a weekend visiting her parents in the country. The children are also placed in a precarious situation where they are almost keeping secrets for their daddy with regards to where they’re going and with whom. He even hit her in her back one day in front of their son!

This move was like a dream come through and the timing was impeccable in light of all that was happening. She would end up sharing half of a house would another Witness, also a divorcee and who has two children of her own. Great! Right? The children will be playmates for each other. The roomie will understand her plight too. A match made in heaven while sharing expenses too. Finally, some light at the end of the tunnel. She moved out on Monday right after he left for work. She was happy. It felt liberating. We were happy for her.

No matter how much of a failure her husband was as a spouse, she would never speak ill of him as the father of her children. She would always acknowledge how good he was as a daddy and how he placed them as priority. This, upon closer examination, needs some rethinking considering he tore apart their family with infidelity. So out of respect for him, she told him where she had his children. She also made it abundantly clear that she is not restricting him from seeing them. They will just need to communicate to make proper arrangements.

So the next day, he came to the gate to pick up the children. The following day he came in to the front door to wait. By the third morning he barged in to the house in the bathroom where she was taking a shower to have discussions with her. He clearly does not get the fact that moving out implies certain limitations. His actions of course upset Ruth and she went to the police to have them call him and warn him that he cannot impose on her new living arrangements like that. This man has no respect for other people’s space. The next step of course would be a restraining order which I sense she is reluctant to do.

So Ruth and her roomie share a lot in common – including the depression and a horrible husband. Turns out Ms. Roomie had a horrible divorce where her husband stalked her and it took a long while for her to get over it and start over. The whole scenario of the obnoxious husband brought all the memories rushing back and triggered the depression. So, after four days she explained how she felt and asked Ruth to leave. Talk about numbing. All this went down while I was there on Friday.

So the saga starts all over again. My friend Ruth is now on another hunt for a place.

I felt drained by the time I left that house. I empathize with Ruthy so much. I wish I could help. I was in tears before I left. My friend Deb and I just hugged and cried outside the house. Our hearts go out to all of them. Poor children. Their mothers are a mess. I don’t want to end up like that. That is some severe emotional abuse right there.

Just goes to show how fragile we are as people and the facade we call life. Hats off to these ladies. They have an envied inner strength. I can only hope when I grow up I can pull of life a little more stably. I can only pray.