Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I read this advice on breakup and thought it to be invaluable to everyone who ever had to deal with ending a relationship. I hope this can inspire someone else too to realize that it's over but all is not lost. Enjoy!

I went through a break up when I was 20 that made me feel my life was over. I had dated this man for three years and even though the relationship had deteriorated (with me turning a blind eye to it) it felt like an out of nowhere punch in the stomach knocking the wind out of me for months. There is no "non-painful" way to deal because this person was meaningful to you, unlike the relationships that feel temporary and serve purposes but you know are not "forevers." Here's what I did and in the long run have never been happier.

1. FEEL IT! Let the loss and anger and disgust and pain and self-loathing and all that ugliness in. Appreciate in some way that you are never feel more alive as a human as when you are able to experience strong emotion. To deny this makes the process last longer and no one wants that!

2. Attach/Re-Attach to friends and family quickly and let them support you, even if you feel ashamed or embarrassed that your relationship is over. They can handle the weight of your breakup better than you can and are probably willing to listen, feed you and comfort you.

3. Cut contact for an extended while with the ex. It does NOT help to try to be friends or friendly until you have healed. This includes sex! Even if sex was the only place in your relationship where things were good, DO NOT HOOK UP WITH THE EX, it becomes very confusing.

4. Get busy, do those things you compromised on not doing while you were dating. Ex: See those chick flicks he wouldn't see with you, join an evening book club, go on minivacations, learn how to juggle (this one is great!), etc...

5. When you have your mind back a little, mourn the PARTS of the relationship that were positive and you'll miss and cele-brate the parts that were toxic to you. Look realistically at where your relationship wasn't ideal. Do not only reflect on the ideal moments. Look at the fights, the awkward sex moments, the disappointments, the thoughtless gifts, the forgotten anniversaries, etc...

6. Wait it out. My mom told me, as I wept day after day in my sweat pants, that it takes half the time you dated before you are able to truly be over it. This wasn't too far off. Just trust that the reminders, songs, locations, etc... that bring on the deluge of tears will become increasingly infre-quent and soon you'll be able to "reclaim" those places and give them new meanings with new friends or solo experiences. Take your favorite spots back and own them in a new and single way!.

This is what I"ve learned and hopefully it can help others.