Limited Stupidity?

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped."
-- Elbert Hubbard

Top 10 Dog Pet Peeves About Humans

• Yelling at me for barking. I am a dog


• Taking me for a walk then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?


• Any trick balancing food on my nose.


• Yelling at me for rubbing myself on your carpet. Why did you buy carpet?


• Getting upset when I sniff your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered the handshake thing yet.


• Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you are not home.


• Taking me to the vet for "The big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.


• Doggie Sweaters.


• The sleight of hand, fake fetch throws. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

Workplace Blues

"How many people work in your office?" the boss asked the department head.
"Oh, about half of them, sir!"

It annoys me so much when some people are more dedicated and work harder to achieve goals and objectives and others are just along for a ride. When can I just kick back and ride it out too? Cho!

Problem Solving

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."
-- Abraham Maslow

Idiots

"Most people don't know what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it."
- George Carlin

Doesn't It Annoy You When...

1. There's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?
2. You buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?
3. There's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?
4. You're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?
5. You tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you.
6. Someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.
7. A friend or family member says "Yuck! This is awful!!" and then tells you to try some.
8. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just looking around.
9. You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
10. A waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.
11. Your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.
12. The dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
13. The power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.
14. Someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check.
15. The elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.
16. You almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don't, your hard drive crashes and you lose every-thing.

Obnoxious Children

Pet Peeve #3
Thou shalt keep thy obnoxious child(ren) away from me.

I know it's been a while since I have updated my peeves but this one happened today and I just HAD to blog about it.
I dunno, I guess my mother raised me differently and when children deviate from that and come in MY space and demonstrate their most reprehensible attitudes I want to slap them and then their mother. What's worse is when you speak to them and they just don't get it!
I dunno what kind of mother I will be and I hope that I won't grow too tired to teach my children better for them to not be seen in the same light as I do some of these ankle biters.
They need some advice from Cesar Milan - The Dog Whisperer: "Rules, Boundaries and Limitations." Jeez man!!

I hate cockroaches

I hate cockroaches.
I hate cockroaches with a passion.
They smell. They’re nasty. They look gross. And they shit everywhere.
I HATE COCKROACHES!!

Living in the tropics affords you the dismay of becoming friendly with a few more critters than you would like. Our houses are open for the most part because most of us average people cannot afford central air conditioning and we can’t lock up the house to bake to death in the blistering heat.

This allows for cockroaches to saunter in. Nasty motherf@$%&ers!!

So there is this roach that decides to take residency in my bathroom. She only comes out at night… I assume this because when I am here on a weekend I don’t see her during the day. I was hoping that she would just live out her lifespan and die soon. As much as I don’t like cockroaches… I don’t like killing them either to see what sh!t they have left inside splatter everywhere. YUCK!

So back to this bitch. Last night I came home to see her perched on my soap dish and nibbling away at my soap. Oh no… that’s it!! This bitch has got to go now! But based on previous more passive attempts, she has outsmarted me and regretfully got away. This morning… about 10 minutes ago I saunter in the bathroom to empty my bladder when lo and behold on the floor is this stupid mothalova! This means war…

I realized that I had to be strategic. This had to be as painless for me as possible and as painful for her as ever. I peed first. This could take a while to kill her so I wanted to be free from any discomforts. After all this while the bitch still sits there looking at me endearingly. So washed my hands, went to my bedroom to pick my weapon of destruction.

I figured I needed something that had no grooves under the bottom and was heavy enough itself to exert the force. I found the perfect shoe. I go back to the bathroom after all this while… oh she was begging for it. Secretly a small part of me wished she would just run away and didn’t really have to do this. But obviously it was time to live up to my fears.

Upon close inspection, I discovered that she was perched so close to the door that to get a good direct hit, I would need to move the door and then whack her. So I decided to push the door with my left hand and crush her with the shoe in my right in one swift movement.

WHAM!

I managed to get the bottom half of her and she is on her back (stupid bitch) rolling all around and sh!tting. Gross. I am successful!

So I cleaned up with some wipes. Threw her in the toilet and laughed all the way. I watched her and she floated around, got on top of the tissue and just when she thought she was safe… *flush* Die bitch! I laughed all the way down as I watched her descend in to roach heaven. (I decided it must be roach heaven because those nasty creatures eat turd!!!)

Victory was mine. I just hope there wasn’t a whole family in there yet cause I don’t know how much more of this I can do. There needs to be an easier way of population control. Yuck man! I have gone through GREAT pains to ensure there are no roaches lingering around my immediate area only to… cho… you heard that story already. Cho!!

Enough is enough. I understand survival of the fittest now a little better. AND how anger can make you do things you never dreamt of doing.

After all that adrenalin… I can’t sleep.
I HATE those nasty bitches!!

Punctuation Prissy

I discovered another pet peeve of mine today…

Peeve #2
Thou shalt use the correct punctuation symbols.

Hey… I am not perfect. But when people constantly confuse using the accent mark (` - found on the same key as the tilde around the top left part of the keyboard) with a single quote (‘ – on the same key with the double quote) it peeves me.

They look alike but there’s a big difference. Please try to figure it out. Thank you!

Pet Peeves

pet peeve

n. Informal

Something about which one frequently complains; a particular personal vexation.
- Dictionary.com

I decided to write about my own pet peeves not in one long, ranting post but as an ongoing list. I’ll even give these kinds of posts their own tag.

Peeve #1
Thou shalt not tell me to calm down when I’m passionately making a point.

I HATE it when I am in the middle of being passionate about a point and people hitch a reverse and tell me to “calm down.” It annoys me to the core. You are not my psych and I am not a nut case. If I want to get excited… let me! That’s just how I am. Hearing those words is like driving at 100mph and suddenly slamming into a brick wall. I mean… wtf…

I know what you’re thinking… but please don’t say it. That’s the irony of this post even…