Swine Flu

"The government does not want us to call it the swine flu. They're calling it the 2009 H1N1 virus. The reason for the change is they want people to know you can still eat all the pork you want without any risk to your health, except diabetes, obesity and heart disease."

--Jimmy Kimmel

Sunburn Tips

If you are like me who gets burnt on a cloudy day then you might appreciate these tips to help in the unfortunate event it happens. Read on...


Sunburn Prevention:
Prevention is the best remedy here, if you can. Long-term results from excessive exposure to the sun, such as skin cancer and wrinkled skin, can be avoided with proper precautions. One of the best preventatives is to use a sun-screen with an SPF of 30 that offers protection against both UVA and UVB rays. You can get as much sun sightseeing as baking at the beach, so use sunscreen whenever you are outdoors.

Use an aloe vera lotion containing a sunblock. This will cut out 90% of the burning rays and allow 75% of the tanning rays to reach the skin.

To speed healing take the following supplements for a few days after getting burned: 1,000 mg of vitamin C, 400 I.U. of vitamin E, 15 mg of beta carotene, and 1-2 tablespoons (or about 3 capsules per teaspoon) of flaxseed oil, an essential fatty acid.

Caution: don't ever cover a sunburn that is blistered or open with an ointment, oil, salve or butter, for it will make the area susceptible to infection.

Remedies:

Aloe: Take as many leaves as necessary from an aloe plant; refrigerate; peel off top layer of leaves; apply the side of the leaf with flesh exposed directly to the sunburn. Other remedies use aloe vera juice: for mild to medium sunburn, keep the affected area moist with aloe vera juice. Repeat frequently. This will reduce the pain and the amount of peeling. Aloe vera ointment works well, too, as it contains oil and will not evaporate. For a severe sunburn, keep the area moist at all times with aloe vera juice. Since aloe vera is an astringent, you may want to use aloe vera ointment or some sort of oil, such as olive or baby. Aloe is very effective in relieving pain and inflammation.

Combine aloe juice with ½ the amount of vitamin E. Dab on the sunburn. Vitamin E is a good moisturizer.

Apple cider vinegar: Apply apple cider vinegar to the burn with a cottonball, or make a cooling compress for a large area to relieve the pain. Keep the skin moistened. This remedy will prevent blistering and peeling.

Aspirin: Aspirin kills the pain and reduces inflammation and redness of a sunburn. It short-circuits the whole sunburn process. It must be taken within 24 hours of getting sunburned. Aspirin is preferable to ibuprofen or acetaminophen because it is less stressful on the liver and kidneys.

Baking soda: Dissolve some baking soda in water and make a compress using a clean cloth. Another remedy is to add 1/2 cup of baking soda to a tepid bath and soak. Instead of drying the affected area with a towel, let it air dry. Baking soda is cooling and will help the skin retain moisture.

Baths: Add 20 drops of each of lavender and chamomile essential oils to a tubful of cool water and soak for 10 minutes.

Cucumber: Rub sunburned area with fresh cucumber slices. They are very cool and will soothe the area.

Epsom salts: Dissolve epsom salts in water and make a compress using a clean cloth.

Ice: Apply ice or cold water to the burned area. This will stop the burning process and cool the skin.

Lavender: Mix 20-25 drops of lavender oil in one cup of water and bathe the sunburned area.

Lemon Water: Mix the juice of three lemons into two cups of cold water and sponge on the sunburn. The lemon will cool the burn, act as a disinfectant, and will promote healing of the skin.

Milk: Make a compress of whole milk (or buttermilk) and apply to the burned area for 20 minutes; repeat every two to four hours. Wash the milk off so you won't smell sour! The fat content of the milk is soothing for burns.

Oatmeal: Put some oatmeal in tepid bath water, soak for a few minutes, then air dry yourself.

Oil: Cover the area with cooking oil and sprinkle powdered ginger on the oil. This will promote healing.

Onion: Bruise an onion and rub on the burn.

Peppermint: Apply peppermint oil to the sunburned skin. You can also make a mild peppermint infusion and use it as a wash to cool the sunburn.

Potato: Grate a potato and apply it to the burned area. The starch will cool and soothe the burn.

Shower: Take a warm shower to draw out the heat of your sunburn. The warm water will increase circulation to the area while hydrating it, thereby speeding the healing process.

Tea: Make some tea, cool, and apply to the burn. While any tea may be beneficial, mint tea, such as peppermint or spearmint are especially good. The teas have tannins that help the healing process.

Yogurt: Apply plain yogurt with live cultures, let it stand for a few minutes, then rinse off under cool water.

Another remedy using yogurt is to mix equal parts of yogurt and mashed strawberries and apply to the sunburned area for 15 minutes. Rinse with cool water.

Caution! You may have sun poisoning if you experience chills, fever, or get blisters or a rash. See your physician!

Finding the G-Spot

If a woman's partner wants to find the G-spot, and have some fun during the search, try the Bowling Ball. Hold your dominant hand (right for most people) palm up and curl your thumb and middle two fingers like you were holding a bowling ball. Keep the index and pinkie fingers straight. Curve the middle finger slightly more than the ring finger.
Now, thumb goes on the clit, middle two fingers go in the vagina, and outer two fingers (index and pinkie) massage the labia majora and/or perineum.
Rock your hand back and forth. If you're doing it right, your thumb will be massaging her clit on the forward rock and your middle two fingers will be stroking in her vagina on the backward rock.
As she becomes aroused, the curved tip of your middle finger should be on or near her G-spot and you can feel the difference in texture from the surrounding vaginal wall.
Vary the speed and pressure of the rocking motion until her eyes roll back, her toes curl and she loses the ability to form a coherent sentence.

Well Known Adages

Do you recognize these well known adages? (Answers below).

1. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
2. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
3. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.
4. Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.
5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
6. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a super-annuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
7. Surveillance should precede saltation.
8. Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrious projectiles.
9. Where there are visible vapors having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

ANSWERS:

1. All that Glitters is not Gold.
2. Beggars cannot be choosers.
3. A Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.
4. Birds of a feather flock together.
5. Don't cry over Spilt Milk.
6. You cant teach an Old Dog new Tricks.
7. Look before you leap.
8. Those who live Glass Houses should cast no stones.
9. Where there is smoke, there will be fire.

Are You Full?

Aphrodisiacs include anything that arouses or intensifiessexual desires. This could be an erotic painting, drug (Vi-agra, etc.), smell (Escape for men, anyone?), food, and more. We will concentrate on the food aspects today. According to "sexpert" Dr. Ava, an aphrodisiac is described in the Ency-clopedia Britannica as: "The psycho physiological reaction that a well-prepared meal can have upon the human organism. The combination of various sensuous reactions, the visual satisfaction of the sight of appetizing food, the olfactory stimulation of their pleasing smells, and tactile gratifi-cation afforded the oral mechanism by rich, savory dishes tend to bring on a state of general euphoria conducive to sexual expression." Hmmm...that's totally what we're aiming for, right? Simply put, the use of food as an erotic stimu-lant is quite practical - food is inherently a need AND amethod of oral gratification. Now, combine the two, and you could have fireworks.

At first, making a big meal might not sound conducive as aprecursor to lovemaking sessions. Shy away from heavy meats,but emphasize seafood. This is lighter than other proteinsand won't give you the heavy bloated feeling that completelynegates the amorous atmosphere you are striving for. Here'sa simple tip to remember - any foods you eat with your fingers have great potential, period.

Enter fondues. What could be more tantalizing than dipping a ripe, bright red strawberry in chocolate sauce and licking the remains off your paramour's lips? Enough said. I would be remiss to not mention the art of eating a ripe pear. Watch the juices of a ripe pear flow over your partner's lips or mouth, and you'll be hooked. Observing him/her suck the juices and nibble on the pear might just be enough to send you over the edge...

While aphrodisiacs are not limited to culinary art, I wantto mention several popular food items for this cause. You'veprobably heard this before, but oysters are aphrodisiacs in many cultures. Oysters are high in zinc which often boosts testosterone levels in men. Food aphrodisiacs include, but are not limited to the following: artichokes, asparagus, avocado, basil, black beans(!), chilies, chocolate, coffee, grapes, honey, olives, pine nuts, rosemary, strawberries, popular spices, and some edible flowers. Some on the list might not be obvious choices, like black beans and chilies. The latter and other hot spices are thought to increase blood flow and circulation, so they have a popularfollowing.

As a side note, foods shaped like genitalia can be arousing.For instance, ripe figs are popular aphrodisiacs because some believe they resemble a woman's genitalia. Phallic-shaped items are often appetizing. The lush softness and shape of a banana make this fruit popular, and many men can attest to the eroticism of watching a woman lick an ice cream cone. Red foods are often thought of as succulent aphrodisiacs - tomatoes, strawberries, and, of course the forbidden fruit, red apples, are routinely thought of as sexually appetizing. If you decide to go all out and have the perfect aphrodisiac-laden dinner, don't forget the drinks! Libations, but specifi-cally wine and champagne, are the drinks of love.

The Plusses of Plus Size

It's no secret that our culture worships thinness and equates the emaciated state with great beauty. It's also no secret that more and more of the population is succumbing to "obesity", gaining more weight than ever before. One secret that remains is that you can be overweight on the charts while still being healthy and beautiful. And the plus in the recent trend towards overweight in the general population means that, slowly but inexorably, fashion designers will be designing attractive clothes for plus-sized women. It's about time!

Remind yourself that its OKAY if you need a larger sizeI think most people are motivated to diet in order to fit a particular clothing size. That way lies madness, as sizes vary drastically, even within brands. Life is much simpler when clothes fit the person, rather than the other way around. And for plus-size people, finding the designs that complement the body is more than half the battle. Although many designers are starting to include plus size fashions (in sections separated from non-plus-sized clothes), the clothes often fall into the "giant-black tunic over giant black stretch pants" category. Look at companies that specialize in plus-sized clothes.

So, here are my beauty tips for plus sized women. You will not find the recommendation to wear black apparel because it's so slimming, or to wear neutrals because they help you "blend in".

1. Wear clothes that you love. If you feel pretty or elegant or sexy or classy in an plus size skirt, dress or other outfit, that's the way people will see you. Spend a little more if you have to, but find clothes and designers that work for you.


2. Wear brightly colored outfits to feel cheerful. Let your self shine through and only wear black if you happen to like the way you look in black. For example, EVERY woman should own a pair of the classic black plus size pants that go with everything. Just pair them with a bright shirt or blouse on top. Use your own good sense when mixing and matching.


3. If you have them, flaunt them. Some plus size tops, tanks and shirts were made to show off beautiful shoulders, or a nice bust. Don't hide in cowl-necks or tunics if you have the option of a nice V-neck or an off-the-shoulder top.


4. Pretty curvy legs are pretty curvy legs. Buy the best-looking hose in natural colors, strappy shoes or sexy boots and show the real estate between ankle and knee--the prettiest parts of the leg. A great aline skirt is wonderful way to show off nice legs as well.


5. Work on increasing your happiness and body images. It doesn't matter what you wear if you're happy, and the most fabulous clothes in the world can't cover up an unhappy face.


6. Exercise for your health, not for your derriere. Not for your mother, your boyfriend, the fashion industry, or your ideas of what you "should" look like. Focus on feel-good exercise like dancing, wandering through the woods, playing in the water. Stop tormenting yourself with the Stairmaster, and go outside to play.


7. Friendship is one of the primary components of a happy life. It's also one of the hardest things to maintain once we're grown up. Find friends, nurture relationships by hanging out together, make time for each other, and you'll enrich your life immeasurably.