Frosted Carrot Cake

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

LOL I like to cook. Recently I decided to try my hand at this new recipe for carrot cake I got on the internet. I love carrot cake. If I had some big occasion where I needed a nice dessert (I refuse to say at my wedding because that is looking next to never gonna happen) that would be one of my top 3 choices.

It had all sorts of delicious things in there like coconut, pineapple and nuts etc. I even decided to go all out and make a cream cheese icing to put on top. It was delicious! Only thing is I think the recipe is a little too oily. So the next time I do that recipe I a going to change it up some.

I'll share the recipe. But please heed to that word of caution about the oil. Enjoy!

INGREDIENTS:

2 cups flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 1/2 teaspoon salt2 cups sugar

1 1/2 cup oil

4 eggs

2 cups finely grated carrots

1 (8 1/2 oz.) can crushed pineapple, drained

1/2 cup chopped nuts

1 (3 1/2 oz.) can flaked coconut (opt.)

***Cream Cheese Icing:***

1/2 cup butter, softened

1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla1 (16 oz.) box confectioners' sugar, sifted

DIRECTIONS:

Sift together flour, baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda andsalt into large mixing bowl. Add carrots, pineapple, nuts andcoconut. Blend thoroughly until moist. Grease 3 (9") round cakepans; line with waxed paper. Divide batter equally among pans.Bake at 350 degrees for 30 to 40 minutes. Cool 10 to 15 minutesin pans. Turn onto wire racks; cool completely. Fill and frostlayers with Cream Cheese Icing. Cake will keep covered inrefrigerator for two weeks. Cream Cheese Icing: Combine butter, cream cheese and vanillain small bowl. Cream well. Add sugar gradually, beating untilsmooth. If mixture is too thick, add small amount of milk to thin.

Yield: Approx 12 Servings

Wine & Cheese

Liking wine is an acquired taste. It's not the most palatable thing especially if you get it wrong with the wrong food pairings. I quite like the taste of wine and cheese. I came across this list of preferred wines for specific cheeses and thought I would share with my readers. I'm just sorry they didn't have a recommendation for goat cheese....

• BLUE: Full-bodied reds, full-bodied whites, light dry whites,sweet whites
  
• BRIE: Medium and full-bodied reds, fruity whites, champagne
  
• CAMEMBERT: Light, medium and full-bodied reds


• MILD CHEDDAR: Light and fruity reds, most whites, champagne


• SHARP CHEDDAR: Full-bodied reds, fruity reds


• EDAM: Medium reds, fruity roses, light dry whites,champagne


• EMMANTAL: Light and medium reds, fruity whites


• FETA: Light reds, fruity whites


• GOUDA: Medium and light reds, roses, light dry whites,champagne


• GRUYERE: Semi-sweet whites, light wines


• HAVARTI: Dry reds, dry whites


• MUENSTER: Fruity and light reds, full-bodied dry whites


• SWISS: Most wines, both red and white

How Do You Measure Up?

Is size really important though? And if it is... girth or length or a good balance of both?

Life in the 1500's

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the1500s:


Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.


Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water ...


Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dogs.


There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt.. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Everyday they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."


Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.


Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.


England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.

And that's the truth. Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !

Adversity

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
-- Anne Bradstreet

When overwhelmed by tasks...

"Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
--Francis of Assisi

The First Thing You Notice

"According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars."
-- Author Unknown

Ain’t that the truth? I guess you could say that my breasts are my little piece of sex appeal. I know that no matter how much men try to look me in the face somehow when they glance away it’s usually a downward look to check out the rack. LOL

What do I physically look for in a guy? His height is the first thing. I am not attracted to men my height or shorter. Then it’s his mouth… the teeth must be good look and cared for and while nice lips are an added bonus good teeth can carry off even the thinnest lips. Next is his butt. LOL Not too flat but enough to grab on to. Also, I don’t like hairy men especially on the chest and limited on the face. Nice arms are an asset too. If I get close enough to find out he must not have bad breath – that rules smokers out on two levels. Usually smokers’ breath smells and their lips look dark and burnt. All in all a great personality to boot can overrule these physical attributes. hehe

A friend in need...

"Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again."
-- Author Unknown

Maybe I have surrounded myself with the wrong kind of people. But I realize that more and more people are selfish and insular. I don’t know if we’re all overwhelmed by the challenges life throws us so much so that we are too spent on our own problems to even be concerned about someone else as a means of self preservation. The irony is that usually it’s easier to cope when we share with each other rather than our natural instinct to act niggardly.

Case in point, last weekend I had battery problems. There is this coworker who lives very close to me and I had expressed having this difficulty to him. A few months ago when they had stolen his car I would take him to work and bring him home a few times just to help out a little. I guess it was too much to expect that he would offer to assist me in some way or even enquire as to how I would be getting to work Monday morning. Haha I don’t think so… In fact I was very late for work Monday morning and it never dawned on him to even ask if I got through when I finally arrived. LOL

Too often I have been bitten by overextending myself to people who won’t consider doing the same for me. I have decided to be more selfish for my own protection. But somehow that isn’t really who I am and it’s difficult to just turn a blind eye when I can easily help.

25 Phrases Of Wisdom

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

A Friend

To an athlete, “a friend is a balancing pole that enables us to walk the tightrope of life without falling.”

To a physician, “a friend may be likened to a soft bandage and a soothing ointment for the cuts and bruises of life.”

To a botanist, “a friend is a vine that clings to us and hides the discrepancies and rough places of life.” The florist added: “Yes, and the greater the ruin, the closer a friend clings.”

To a mourner, “a friend is one who comes in when the whole world goes out.”

Conscience

The voice of conscience is so delicate that it is easy to stifle it; but it is also so clear that it is impossibleto mistake it.
--Mme De Staîl

Worry Not

"Don't worry about tomorrow. After all, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."
-- Author Unknown

Interesting Group Names

1. A group of unicorns... a blessing
2. A group of kangaroos... a mob
3. A group of whales... a pod
4. A group of geese... a gaggle
5. A group of owls... a parliament
6. A group of ravens... an unkindness
7. A group of crows... a murder
8. A group of bears... a sleuth
9. A group of alligators... a congregation
10. A group of cockroaches... an intrusion (This is the truest one of all!!)

Strength

"Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces."
-- Judith Viorst

My Job

"Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity."
--Karl Marx

Perfect Day

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.

The Right Person

"There are many more people trying to meet the right person than to become the right person."
--Gloria Steinem

How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner... as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost over-night.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off...to your advantage.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.

Signs You've Grown Up

• Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
• You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
• Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
• You don't know what time KFC closes anymore.
• Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
• Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
• Dinner and a movie is a whole date instead of the beginning of one.
• You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
• Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
• You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

Success

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed."
-- Booker T. Washington (1856-1915)
American educator, orator, author and leader of the African-American community.

Most Used Lies

TOP 13 MOST USED LIES
13. The check is in the mail.
12. You get this one, I'll pay next time.
11. You look great.
10. Of course I love you.
9. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.
8. ...but we can still be good friends.
7. Don't worry, were not lost -- I KNOW where I'm going.
6. In this car, I can always go another 20 miles when the gauge is on "empty."
5. Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone.
4. I'll call you later.
3. I've never done anything like this before.
2. I'm from your government, and I am here to help you.
1. I DO

Everything Happens for a Reason

“Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.”
-- Corrie Ten Boom

Well Known Adages

Do you recognize these well known adages? (Answers below).

1. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
2. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
3. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.
4. Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.
5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
6. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a super-annuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
7. Surveillance should precede saltation.
8. Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrious projectiles.
9. Where there are visible vapors having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

ANSWERS:

1. All that Glitters is not Gold.
2. Beggars cannot be choosers.
3. A Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.
4. Birds of a feather flock together.
5. Don't cry over Spilt Milk.
6. You cant teach an Old Dog new Tricks.
7. Look before you leap.
8. Those who live Glass Houses should cast no stones.
9. Where there is smoke, there will be fire.

Do Not Worry

A construction crew was building a new road through a rural area, knocking down trees as it progressed. A superintendent noticed that one tree had a nest of birds who couldn’t yet fly and he marked the tree so that it would not be cut down. Several weeks later the superintendent came back to the tree. He got into a bucket truck and was lifted up so that he could peer into the nest. The fledglings were gone. They had obviously learned to fly. The superintendent ordered the tree cut down. As the tree crashed to the ground, the nest fell clear and some of the material that the birds had gathered to make the nest was scattered about. Part of it was a scrap torn from a Sunday school pamphlet. On the scrap of paper were these words: He cares for you.

Bits and Pieces, November, 1989, p. 23.

Luke 12:22-28
22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.
23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.
24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!
25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
27 Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these.
28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!

Sometimes you just need to be reminded....

New Years Resolutions You Can Keep

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

• Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
• Stop exercising. Waste of time.
• Read less. Makes you think.
• Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
• Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
• Spend more time at work.
• Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
• Get in a whole NEW rut!
• Personal goal: Bring back disco.
• Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.
• Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
• Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
• Get further in debt.
• Break at least one traffic law.
• Associate with even worse business clients.
• Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.
• Wait around for opportunity.
• Focus on the faults of others.
• Mope about my faults.
• Never make New Year's resolutions again.

I'm glad this year is almost over...

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I read this advice on breakup and thought it to be invaluable to everyone who ever had to deal with ending a relationship. I hope this can inspire someone else too to realize that it's over but all is not lost. Enjoy!

I went through a break up when I was 20 that made me feel my life was over. I had dated this man for three years and even though the relationship had deteriorated (with me turning a blind eye to it) it felt like an out of nowhere punch in the stomach knocking the wind out of me for months. There is no "non-painful" way to deal because this person was meaningful to you, unlike the relationships that feel temporary and serve purposes but you know are not "forevers." Here's what I did and in the long run have never been happier.

1. FEEL IT! Let the loss and anger and disgust and pain and self-loathing and all that ugliness in. Appreciate in some way that you are never feel more alive as a human as when you are able to experience strong emotion. To deny this makes the process last longer and no one wants that!

2. Attach/Re-Attach to friends and family quickly and let them support you, even if you feel ashamed or embarrassed that your relationship is over. They can handle the weight of your breakup better than you can and are probably willing to listen, feed you and comfort you.

3. Cut contact for an extended while with the ex. It does NOT help to try to be friends or friendly until you have healed. This includes sex! Even if sex was the only place in your relationship where things were good, DO NOT HOOK UP WITH THE EX, it becomes very confusing.

4. Get busy, do those things you compromised on not doing while you were dating. Ex: See those chick flicks he wouldn't see with you, join an evening book club, go on minivacations, learn how to juggle (this one is great!), etc...

5. When you have your mind back a little, mourn the PARTS of the relationship that were positive and you'll miss and cele-brate the parts that were toxic to you. Look realistically at where your relationship wasn't ideal. Do not only reflect on the ideal moments. Look at the fights, the awkward sex moments, the disappointments, the thoughtless gifts, the forgotten anniversaries, etc...

6. Wait it out. My mom told me, as I wept day after day in my sweat pants, that it takes half the time you dated before you are able to truly be over it. This wasn't too far off. Just trust that the reminders, songs, locations, etc... that bring on the deluge of tears will become increasingly infre-quent and soon you'll be able to "reclaim" those places and give them new meanings with new friends or solo experiences. Take your favorite spots back and own them in a new and single way!.

This is what I"ve learned and hopefully it can help others.

Real Newspaper Ads

• 3-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.
• Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
• Vacation special: Have your house exterminated.
• Dinner Specials: Turkey $3.25 Chicken or Beef $2.75 Children $2.00.
• Illiterate? Write today for free help.
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
• Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale.
• For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do itcarefully by hand.
• Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Jesus is Better than Santa

Santa lives at the North Pole,

JESUS is everywhere.

Santa rides in a sleigh JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water,

Santa comes but once a year,

JESUS is an ever- present help.

Santa fills your stockings with goodies,

JESUS supplies all your needs.

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited,

JESUS stands at your door and knocks... and then enters your heart.

You have to stand in line to see Santa,

JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.

Santa lets you sit on his lap,

JESUS lets you rest in His arms.

Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, What's your name?"

JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.

JESUS has a heart full of love.

JESUS offers health, help and hope.

Santa says "You better not cry,"

JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you.

Santa's little helpers make toys,

JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.

Santa may make you chuckle but,

JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.

While Santa puts gifts under your tree,

JESUS became our gift and died on the tree.

It's obvious there is really no comparison. We need to remember WHO Christmas is all about. We need to put Christ back in Christmas. Jesus is still the reason for the season.

Tattoo Parlor

Things you don't want to hear in a tattoo parlor:

• "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
• "We're all out of red, so I used pink."
• "There are two O's in Bob, right?"
• "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."
• "Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."
• "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."
• "The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."
• "Oops ... "

Are You Full?

Aphrodisiacs include anything that arouses or intensifiessexual desires. This could be an erotic painting, drug (Vi-agra, etc.), smell (Escape for men, anyone?), food, and more. We will concentrate on the food aspects today. According to "sexpert" Dr. Ava, an aphrodisiac is described in the Ency-clopedia Britannica as: "The psycho physiological reaction that a well-prepared meal can have upon the human organism. The combination of various sensuous reactions, the visual satisfaction of the sight of appetizing food, the olfactory stimulation of their pleasing smells, and tactile gratifi-cation afforded the oral mechanism by rich, savory dishes tend to bring on a state of general euphoria conducive to sexual expression." Hmmm...that's totally what we're aiming for, right? Simply put, the use of food as an erotic stimu-lant is quite practical - food is inherently a need AND amethod of oral gratification. Now, combine the two, and you could have fireworks.

At first, making a big meal might not sound conducive as aprecursor to lovemaking sessions. Shy away from heavy meats,but emphasize seafood. This is lighter than other proteinsand won't give you the heavy bloated feeling that completelynegates the amorous atmosphere you are striving for. Here'sa simple tip to remember - any foods you eat with your fingers have great potential, period.

Enter fondues. What could be more tantalizing than dipping a ripe, bright red strawberry in chocolate sauce and licking the remains off your paramour's lips? Enough said. I would be remiss to not mention the art of eating a ripe pear. Watch the juices of a ripe pear flow over your partner's lips or mouth, and you'll be hooked. Observing him/her suck the juices and nibble on the pear might just be enough to send you over the edge...

While aphrodisiacs are not limited to culinary art, I wantto mention several popular food items for this cause. You'veprobably heard this before, but oysters are aphrodisiacs in many cultures. Oysters are high in zinc which often boosts testosterone levels in men. Food aphrodisiacs include, but are not limited to the following: artichokes, asparagus, avocado, basil, black beans(!), chilies, chocolate, coffee, grapes, honey, olives, pine nuts, rosemary, strawberries, popular spices, and some edible flowers. Some on the list might not be obvious choices, like black beans and chilies. The latter and other hot spices are thought to increase blood flow and circulation, so they have a popularfollowing.

As a side note, foods shaped like genitalia can be arousing.For instance, ripe figs are popular aphrodisiacs because some believe they resemble a woman's genitalia. Phallic-shaped items are often appetizing. The lush softness and shape of a banana make this fruit popular, and many men can attest to the eroticism of watching a woman lick an ice cream cone. Red foods are often thought of as succulent aphrodisiacs - tomatoes, strawberries, and, of course the forbidden fruit, red apples, are routinely thought of as sexually appetizing. If you decide to go all out and have the perfect aphrodisiac-laden dinner, don't forget the drinks! Libations, but specifi-cally wine and champagne, are the drinks of love.

Doesn't It Annoy You When...

1. There's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?
2. You buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?
3. There's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?
4. You're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?
5. You tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you.
6. Someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.
7. A friend or family member says "Yuck! This is awful!!" and then tells you to try some.
8. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just looking around.
9. You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
10. A waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.
11. Your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.
12. The dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
13. The power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.
14. Someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check.
15. The elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.
16. You almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don't, your hard drive crashes and you lose every-thing.

Christmas Tree Topper

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floor-boards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheer-fully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree...

The Plusses of Plus Size

It's no secret that our culture worships thinness and equates the emaciated state with great beauty. It's also no secret that more and more of the population is succumbing to "obesity", gaining more weight than ever before. One secret that remains is that you can be overweight on the charts while still being healthy and beautiful. And the plus in the recent trend towards overweight in the general population means that, slowly but inexorably, fashion designers will be designing attractive clothes for plus-sized women. It's about time!

Remind yourself that its OKAY if you need a larger sizeI think most people are motivated to diet in order to fit a particular clothing size. That way lies madness, as sizes vary drastically, even within brands. Life is much simpler when clothes fit the person, rather than the other way around. And for plus-size people, finding the designs that complement the body is more than half the battle. Although many designers are starting to include plus size fashions (in sections separated from non-plus-sized clothes), the clothes often fall into the "giant-black tunic over giant black stretch pants" category. Look at companies that specialize in plus-sized clothes.

So, here are my beauty tips for plus sized women. You will not find the recommendation to wear black apparel because it's so slimming, or to wear neutrals because they help you "blend in".

1. Wear clothes that you love. If you feel pretty or elegant or sexy or classy in an plus size skirt, dress or other outfit, that's the way people will see you. Spend a little more if you have to, but find clothes and designers that work for you.


2. Wear brightly colored outfits to feel cheerful. Let your self shine through and only wear black if you happen to like the way you look in black. For example, EVERY woman should own a pair of the classic black plus size pants that go with everything. Just pair them with a bright shirt or blouse on top. Use your own good sense when mixing and matching.


3. If you have them, flaunt them. Some plus size tops, tanks and shirts were made to show off beautiful shoulders, or a nice bust. Don't hide in cowl-necks or tunics if you have the option of a nice V-neck or an off-the-shoulder top.


4. Pretty curvy legs are pretty curvy legs. Buy the best-looking hose in natural colors, strappy shoes or sexy boots and show the real estate between ankle and knee--the prettiest parts of the leg. A great aline skirt is wonderful way to show off nice legs as well.


5. Work on increasing your happiness and body images. It doesn't matter what you wear if you're happy, and the most fabulous clothes in the world can't cover up an unhappy face.


6. Exercise for your health, not for your derriere. Not for your mother, your boyfriend, the fashion industry, or your ideas of what you "should" look like. Focus on feel-good exercise like dancing, wandering through the woods, playing in the water. Stop tormenting yourself with the Stairmaster, and go outside to play.


7. Friendship is one of the primary components of a happy life. It's also one of the hardest things to maintain once we're grown up. Find friends, nurture relationships by hanging out together, make time for each other, and you'll enrich your life immeasurably.

Where have you been?

But one of the things that has to be faced is...to find out who we are, where we have come from and where we are going…I am saying as you must say, too, that in order to see where we are going, we not only must remember where we have been, but we must understand where we have been.
--Ella Baker.

Unusual phobias

Do people really have these phobias? hehe But I can somewhat understand being a
eisoptrophobe and pogonophobia...

• alektorophobia - fear of chickens
• aulophobia - fear of a flute
• clinophobia - fear of going to bed
• ecclesiaphobia - fear of churches
• eisoptrophobia - fear of mirrors
• geniophobia - fear of chins
• genuphobia - fear of knees
• gymnotophobia - fear of nudity
• ichthyophobia - fear of fish
• levophobia - fear of the left side
• linonophobia - fear of string
• meteorophobia - fear of being hit by meteor
• nephelophobia - fear of clouds
• odontophobia - fear of teeth
• ouranophobia - fear of heaven
• pediophobia - fear of dolls
• pogonophobia - fear of beards
• siderophobia - fear of starts
• stygiophobia - fear of hell
• triskaidekaphobia - fear of the number 13

Random Humor

• Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.
• Oh Lord, give me patience...and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
• A good pun is its own reword.
• Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure..
• I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
• Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
• To err is human, to moo bovine.
• For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Egos

You have an ego--a consciousness of being an individual. Butthat doesn't mean that you are to worship yourself, to thinkconstantly of yourself, and to live entirely for self.
--Billy Graham

Being Satisfied

"May we never let the things we can't have, or don't have, or shouldn't have, spoil our enjoyment of the things we do have and can have. As we value our happiness let us not forget it, for one of the greatest lessons in life is learning to be happy without the things we cannot or should not have."
--Richard L. Evans

Seasons of the Soul

Summer comes with such a splendor

All creation shows its praise

Flowers bloom, fruits ripen, birds sing

All things experiencing rebirth

All things made anew

Summer’s end ushers in autumn’s colors

Golden red, crispy brown, sunshiny yellow

Autumn leaves Falling

Peacefully lying in a final resting place

'Til winter’s milky white, delicate snow flakes

Cascading

Covering all it reaches in fluffy softness

Then comes spring’s revitalizing rain

Showering

Washing, pouring, cleansing

Without human intervention

The cycle continues o’er and o’er again

Life is much like nature’s seasons

Changing constantly and surely with the passing of time

We too must face life’s passing seasons

When there are days of summer’s splendor

All plans made falling into place

Obstacles faced

Challenges conquered

Goals surpassed

But, as surely as autumn follows summer and spring follows winter

We too must face our days of Spring-like rebirth

Autumn-like falling

Summer-like passion

Winter-like coldness

We too are faced with the seasons

The seasons of the soul

--Dawn Minott

Judge Not

I was shocked, confused, bewildered,
As I entered Heaven's door.
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.
Hush, child, He said, they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.

JUDGE NOT. -- Remember...Just going to church doesn't makeyou a Christian no more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

The Irony of Life

"It is not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity."
--Francis Bacon

Shower Activities

Having lunch one day, a sex therapist said to her friend, "According to a survey we just completed, ninety percent of all people masturbate in the shower. The other ten percent of them sing."
"Really?" asked the friend.
The therapist shook her head and proceeded to ask, "And do you know what the most popular song people sing in the shower?"
The friend shook her head and replied, "No." The therapist replied, "I didn't think so."

Optimism

"The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum."
- Havelock Ellis

Inner Peace

Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:

• A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.
• An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
• A loss of interest in judging other people.
• A loss of interest in judging self.
• A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
• A loss of interest in conflict.
• A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)
• Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
• Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
• Frequent attacks of smiling.
• An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
• An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

WARNING: If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of inner peace may be so far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk.

We often take for granted the things that deserve our gratitude

Take nothing for granted, for whatever you do
The "joy of enjoying" is lessened for you --
For we rob our own lives much more than we know
When we fail to respondor in any way show
Our thanks for the blessings that daily are ours. . .
The warmth of the sun, the fragrance of flowers
The beauty of twilight, the freshness of dawn
The coolness of dew on a green velvet lawn
The kind little deeds so thoughtfully done
The favors of friends and of their ways
Expecting no payment and no words of praise.

. . . Helen Steiner Rice

The Rules of Eating Chocolate

1. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
5. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
6. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
7. Money talks. Chocolate sings.
8. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
9. Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A: Because no one wants to quit.
10. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
11. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
12. If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

As I Mature

• I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
• I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
• I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
• I've learned that you can keep vomiting, long after you think you're finished.
• I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
• I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!
• I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away.

Obnoxious Children

Pet Peeve #3
Thou shalt keep thy obnoxious child(ren) away from me.

I know it's been a while since I have updated my peeves but this one happened today and I just HAD to blog about it.
I dunno, I guess my mother raised me differently and when children deviate from that and come in MY space and demonstrate their most reprehensible attitudes I want to slap them and then their mother. What's worse is when you speak to them and they just don't get it!
I dunno what kind of mother I will be and I hope that I won't grow too tired to teach my children better for them to not be seen in the same light as I do some of these ankle biters.
They need some advice from Cesar Milan - The Dog Whisperer: "Rules, Boundaries and Limitations." Jeez man!!

Queen's Engerlish

Hey, since we're now living in the time of technology and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson. So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish:
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Our Weird Language

• Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
• Why do some people use the expression 'Good Grief'? What is a Bad Grief?
• Why is the plural of goose-geese and not the plural of moose-meese?
• If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice why aren't two houses hice?
• If the plural of mouse is mice, what is the plural of spouse?
• Why do we say something is awfully good? What exactly do we mean by this?
• Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
• Can you have only one plural?
• Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all the difference between here and there?
• Can you be frequent infrequently?
• Why do people say 'This and That' as opposed to 'That and This'?
• If the plural of octopus is octopi and platypus is platypi what is the plural of schoolbus?
• Why is sphinges the plural of sphinx if there's only one?
• What's the difference between new and brand new?
• Why do North Americans fill a form out but the English fill it in?

Wanted: A REAL BOYFRIEND

Yeh... a guy like this would be nice... It'd be really nice.

1. When she stares at your mouth... Kiss her.
2. When she pushes you or hits you like she thinks she's stronger than you... Grab her and don't let go.
3. When she starts cussing you out, tryin to act all tuff... Kiss her and tell her you love her.
4. When she's quiet... Ask her whats wrong.
5. When she ignores you... Give her your attention.
6. When she pulls away... Pull her back.
7. When you see her at her worst... Tell her she's beautiful.
8. When you see her start crying... Just hold her and dont say a word.
9. When you see her walking... Sneak up and hug her waist from behind.
10. When she's scared... Protect her.
11. When she steals your favorite hat... Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.
12. When she teases you... Tease her back and make her laugh.
13. When she doesn't answer for a long time... Reassure her that everything is okay.
14.When she looks at you with doubt... Back yourself up a bit.
15. When she says that she likes you... SHE REALLY DOES, MORE THAN YOU COULD UNDERSTAND!!!
16. When she grabs at your hands... Hold her's and play with her fingers.
17. When she bumps into you with her big ass hips ;)... Bump into her back and make her laugh.
18. When she tells you a secret... Keep it safe and untold.
19. When she looks at you in your eyes... Don't look away until she does.
20. When she says it's over... She still wants you to be hers (IT'S TRUE!).
21. When she plays with your face... She wants you to be hers forever.
22. When she reposts this bulletin... She wants you to read it.
23. Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.
24. When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go.
25. When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her.
26. Because 10 yrs later she'll remember you.
27. Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her.
28. Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
29. Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
30. Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid.
31. Give her the world.
32. Let her wear your clothes.
33. When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
34. Let her know she's important.
35. Kiss her in the pouring rain.
36. When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; 'Who's the one I'm loving, baby?'

Rudyard Kipling - "If"

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Everyone Needs A Washing

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout.

We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in 'Mom let's run through the rain,' she said. 'What?' Mom asked.'Let’s run through the rain!' She repeated. 'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain,' 'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.'No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

‘This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?’ 'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. You couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say.

Now, some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith. 'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD lets us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,' Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories.

So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday.

Life's Contradictions

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
• Half the people you know are below average.
• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel sogood.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
• All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse getsthe cheese.
• I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Life through the eyes of a Realist

• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to belazy.
• Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that youtried.
• Experience is something you don't get until just after youneed it.
• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softnessof the bread.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal frommany is research.
• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.